


Summer of Love

by Monna99



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-21
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-01-21 00:51:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 25,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12445767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monna99/pseuds/Monna99
Summary: Kakashi falls in love. It's Naruto's fault.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> K, peeps. So this is a story I wrote a while ago that I'd posted on Fanfiction.net under Navi99 that I am now revising. I haven't decided if I'll delete it from there because I know that can be frustrating but I'm definitely not going to be updating it there anymore either. I tried to post a chapter over there just to guide people here if they wanna read it but I ... couldn't? FF.net is so freaking confusing!

"I'm considering throwing you off the roof if you don't stop laughing."

Gai kept laughing. He possibly thought the other man was joking.

"But, Kakashi, it's a beautiful effort your dearest student is making to help you approach the summer of LOVE."

The copy-nin scratched the back of his head ruefully, vaguely disturbed that he could hear Gai capitalizing that word. "I think it's more a matter of Naruto trying to get back at me."

"Surely not. It is simply the way of youth to be in love with love itself. Although, if the reason Naruto is failing in his grand endeavor is that he has misunderstood your … proclivities, I'm certain that if I told him that his worthy sensei prefers the amorous overtures of men–"

Kakashi slammed a hand down over Gai's mouth. "That’s not something I want reported to Naruto." It was bad enough the brat was trying to set him up with women, Kakashi shuddered at the thought of the men Naruto might inflict on him.

Gai nodded sensibly once Kakashi released him. "I see. You continue to prove yourself worthy to be my rival, Kakashi. You are right, love should be a thing of serendipity."

"Kakashi-sensei!”

Damn, the brat was getting better at tracking him. “See you later, Gai,” he said leaping from the rooftop. He flattened himself against the high wall, ducking underneath a low window and behind some shrubbery.

“A jounin hiding in the bushes from a child. Now I have seen it all.”

Kakashi glanced up at the open window and into warm brown eyes, shining with amusement. Ah. Iruka-sensei.

“In my defense,” he began, but quickly closed his mouth as Naruto turned the corner.

“Iruka-sensei!”

“Naruto.” Kakashi could hear the untroubled affection in the chuunin’s tone. “How nice to see you. I didn’t know you were already back in town.” The rebuke was mild, but it was there and Kakashi could practically hear the kid wince.

“Oh, sorry, Iruka-sensei. I was going to visit you today, but I need to find Kakashi-sensei first. Have you seen him? He’s a sneaky one.”

Iruka laughed. “Yes, I’m sure he could be hiding right under our noses.”

Kakashi twitched.

“I did see a shinobi uniform disappear towards the training grounds,” he added after a moment.

“That’s perfect. Thanks, Iruka-sensei!”

Kakashi stood and leapt nimbly into the room to stand next to the chuunin. “I really thought you were going to sell me out,” he said admiringly.

Iruka smirked. “My students are better at giving people the slip.”

"Well, but Iruka-sensei, you work with ten-year-olds. I can't possibly match up to their deviant genius."

The chuunin opened his mouth to reply but just then both men turned as they sensed Naruto’s chakra. 

He didn’t intend to do it, didn’t know what possessed him to reach for Iruka as he sensed the kid approach. Maybe it was because he genuinely liked the other man’s company. “I knew it!” Naruto yowled. Too late.

In a flurry of leaves he and Iruka were standing outside the deserted academy.

He saw the chuunin blink and the raise his eyes skyward with a pained expression so Kakashi reached his chakra out and did a cursory check of the other sensei. That had been close to his fastest speed and if by some whim of fate Kakashi happened to break Naruto's favorite person he was sure the blond would deal terrible violence on him. Like try to make him go on another date.

The chuunin bore up admirably well under the minor invasion of privacy though he clearly wasn't thrilled and were Kakashi not a jounin, therefore outranking him, he had a feeling he would have gotten more than a sharp glance of reproof.

"Honestly," Iruka muttered, "a jounin running scared of a teenage boy." He shook his head in mock disappointment.

"You say that as though you've never seen Naruto at his most determined." Kakashi drawled. "A Naruto with the single-minded purpose of trying to find me a date is a terrifying thing."

Iruka grimaced. "True enough. I count myself lucky he hasn't tried the same thing with me. Then again," he glanced at Kakashi and grinned, "as a well-balanced, well-rounded individual, I can usually find my own company."

Kakashi let himself be mildly surprised at the teasing and straightened abruptly, stepping closer to Naruto's teacher. He leaned forward so their faces were only inches apart and smiled his most guileless smile, pouting inwardly for a moment at the thought that the mask must ruin the full effect. It did make enough of an effect though, that Iruka-sensei's smiling eyes grew a bit wary.

"Iruka-sensei," he breathed, only just managing to keep from laughing as those eyes widened and Iruka blushed. "I would never dream of calling you round." He let his visible eye wander insolently down the chuunin's body and lazily tracked his way back up again, ignoring the teacher's full-body twitch. "You are perfectly proportioned," he declared huskily, smiling widely at Iruka's scandalized face.

"Kakashi-sensei," the chuunin began, warningly.

"Yes?" He fell back into his customary slouch, making it as impertinent as he knew how.

Iruka's lips tightened disapprovingly but that unexpectedly becoming flush didn't die away. Really, Naruto's previous teacher was rather … cute.

"Suddenly it's become clear why you need Naruto's help to find a date," the chuunin said bitingly.

Kakashi winced an apology. He didn’t actually want to upset the other man. "Dealing with Naruto and his insistence on getting me hitched has me a bit unsettled,” he confessed, affecting his most _feel sorry for me I'm totally harmless and utterly contrite_ pose, complete with mournful gaze and congratulated himself when the Academy teacher's scrutiny softened. Ah. The type to easily forgive minor offenses. Well, he'd have to be or Naruto would never have made it out of the Academy.

"Since I'm not being wracked with the same torture, I guess I can't judge," Iruka allowed wryly.

Kakashi waved a hand dismissively. "Of course he hasn't tried to set you up, you're his precious Iruka-sensei, after all. He'd probably have a coronary if anyone so much as –"  


And that was when Kakashi had a Really Good Idea.

"Iruka-sensei, as a sincere apology for kidnapping you with no provocation, please allow me to treat you to ramen."

Iruka looked somewhat mystified at being offered a free meal but Kakashi counted it as a victory that the chuunin didn't immediately laugh at his offer. Well, Academy teachers didn't go on missions. They were needed full-time at the school and, even when having to deal with prepubescent kids wielding sharp objects, teaching didn't pay all that well. A free meal wasn't something to be turned down. Especially when it came with no strings attached, which this didn't, but Iruka didn't need to know that yet.

"You would be doing me a great service to permit me the pleasure of your company," he said with perfect gallantry.

Iruka didn't go so far as to glare at him but his eyes narrowed in suspicion. It wasn’t surprising, the man may not have been a jounin but he did deal with thirty or so hellions on a regular basis so it was natural he'd have a nose for trouble. Kakashi just smiled wider.

 

“You can’t run from Naruto forever, you know,” Iruka informed him around a bite of sliced pork. They were sitting at a small booth at Asuma’s favorite lunch place. Kakashi hadn’t wanted to risk Ichiraku with Naruto still on the prowl.

“Oh, I think I’m about ready to stop running,” Kakashi murmured, watching in fascination as Iruka peppered more spice into his dish. The man had to have an iron stomach. “He’ll give up if I tell him I’ve found someone.”

Iruka paused with the chopsticks halfway to his mouth. “That won’t be enough to put him off. He’ll want to meet your girlfriend.”

“I have every intention of letting Naruto meet my … special person.”

Iruka leaned back in his seat, eyes narrowed. “Why did you invite me to lunch?” he asked, glancing down at his food suspiciously.

“Why, Sensei,” he said, affecting hurt. “You’re someone I have a great deal of respect for. Naturally, I want to spend time with you.”

“Naturally,” Iruka repeated a bit dryly. 

Kakashi could see him mentally shrug and dismiss their little date as harmless. Really, the jounin thought, he was doing Iruka a favor. The chuunin needed to remember that one should always keep his defenses up.

 

"Good afternoon, Iruka-sensei."

Iruka looked up, startled and glanced at the other two chuunin at the mission desk who had received no such greeting. It looked like they were trying very hard not to notice the jounin.

"Hello, Kakashi-san," he greeted patiently.

"I'm told it's a particularly beautiful day today."

Iruka pasted on a pleasant expression using his chakra to try to get any sort of reading on a possible threat. Kakashi looked highly delighted.

"According to Gai that means picnics are absolutely necessary."

"They are?" Iruka belatedly noticed the basket. Nothing so innocuous ever looked more dangerous.

Kakashi's visible eye curved in pleasure. "Absolutely. I brought mochi for dessert," he tempted.

Iruka had the distinct feeling he was missing something because there was absolutely no way that Kakashi was actually-

"Are you asking me to go on a picnic with you?" he finally blurted.

"Yes, Sensei."

The other two chunin were desperately reviewing mission reports. Iruka wanted to glare at them, then thought better of it and glared at Kakashi. This would be all over the rumor mill now whether he went with the man or not. Hopefully it would die out soon, he thought resignedly, after all, it was a widely accepted fact that jounin were batshit crazy. You had to make allowances for that.

"Strawberry mochi?"

"Well, no, chocolate. It's so perfectly … sinful," he purred, leaning close to Iruka. Izumo choked on air.

"Kakashi-san, if you wish me to accompany you please show up here promptly at six. That's when I finish my duties."

"That's in an hour."

"Yes, Kakashi-san."

"You can't take off, say, an hour early?"

"Kakashi-san, if that is inconvenient for you, Kotetsu-san here gets off in five minutes."

Iruka could feel the horror rolling off the other chuunin.

Kakashi smiled cheerily. "I'll be back in an hour." And then he was gone.

 

Iruka was pleasantly surprised to find that he was enjoying himself. He had his suspicions as to why Kakashi was doing this but it was harmless really, and he was truly relishing the chance to hear about Naruto from the other sensei.

"Well, it's funny now, but Yamato couldn't go near frogs for a month and he'd go green whenever he saw Naruto."

Iruka chuckled. That definitely sounded like Naruto. He took another sip of sake but even so he couldn't keep from asking, "And, Yamato-san …?"

Kakashi looked pensive for a moment. "Well, Iruka-sensei, I do like that you speak your mind but even so I'm not at liberty to discuss Yamato."

Iruka nodded, chastised. Of course he shouldn't have asked but where Naruto was concerned he'd never been any good at keeping his place.

"But you know," Kakashi went on casually, "it's pretty much impossible not to like Naruto. I may have actively tried when he started calling me a pervert."

Iruka smiled his gratitude. Kakashi might have ulterior motives for hanging around him, but Iruka was suddenly very glad that the copy-nin had invited him on this silly picnic.

"More sake?"

"Don't mind if I do, Iruka-sensei."

 

“Kakashi-san,” he greeted long-sufferingly. Kakashi’s sudden, disturbing omnipresence had ceased surprising him.

Minako-san turned and bowed. She was remarkably cool at being abruptly faced with a high-ranking jounin at the gates of the school. “Jounin-san,” she said courteously, throwing Iruka a curious glance before saying, “I’ll be going, Umino-san.”

“Yes, take care,” he answered absently, eyes still on the jounin reclining indolently against the stone posts marking the school grounds. “How may I be of assistance, Kakashi-san?”

“No need to be so formal, sensei. I just thought I could walk with you on this beautiful spring day.”

Iruka looked up at the sunless sky with grim, overstuffed slate-gray clouds threatening to unload a downpour and then back down at the jounin who only smiled innocuously. “Kakashi-san, whatever you’re doing-”

“I was out and about when I saw you and thought we could walk together. If you don’t want my company, you need only say, sensei.”

Well, put like that, Iruka thought drolly, he couldn’t very well be impolite. “How thoughtful of you, Kakashi-san,” he murmured, shifting the stacks of books he was carrying.

“I don’t think I’ve read any of those,” the jounin said, nodding at the texts. 

Iruka smiled. “Oh, it was my recommendation to the Academy that we update the series we were using to train genin. The kids enjoy these a lot more, and of course, the information is up-to-date.”

Kakashi fell into step with the teacher as he began walking. “You love your job, don’t you?”

It wasn’t a rhetorical question. The jounin was staring, waiting for an answer. Iruka flushed a bit, wondering what an elite ex-ANBU made of a chuunin teacher who never went on missions. Still, he answered honestly. “I do,” he affirmed. “They’re so young when they leave the academy,” he continued, “and already they’re being asked to do things that have the potential for extreme danger.” He shook his head. “When I became a chunin I realized that what I wanted most was to protect those kids. I didn’t want them pushed into-” he shut his mouth abruptly and looked away, a little appalled at having said even that much. 

“Ah.” Kakashi scratched at his nose over the mask. “That’s why you were upset at the nomination for the chuunin exams.”

Iruka stiffened, the spines of the books digging into his palms.

Kakashi stuffed his hands in his pockets. “I hope you don’t think I pushed your kids into taking that exam, Sensei.”

Iruka breathed out sharply and forced himself to relax. “No, of course not. I realized after the exam that they were determined to push forward. I should have supported them.”

Kakashi shifted closer, letting their arms brush. “You did exactly what they needed, sensei. Your kids know you’ll speak up for them against anyone.” 

Iruka winced at the memory. “Please don’t remind me. The Hokage was not exactly pleased with me.”

The jounin’s lips twitched into a grin. “I promise you, he has a great deal of admiration for you. As do I.”

Iruka turned away, unable to keep a smile from stretching his lips.

 

"Your boyfriend still on a mission?"

Iruka stiffened and wished Kotetsu was at the mission desk so he could throttle him. The man was a terrible gossip. "I'm sorry, Anko-san?"

"Oh come on, Iruka, everyone and Kakashi's dogs know about you two."

Iruka tried to imagine what Kakashi's dogs might think of that before turning to face the jounin. Honestly, his life was complicated enough at the moment without getting mixed up with high-ranking shinobi.

"Kakashi-san," Anko raised an eyebrow at that but Iruka gainfully plowed on, "Kakashi-san is not –"

"Yo."

Iruka dearly wished Kakashi had better timing.

"Yo, Kakashi, are you neglecting Iruka?"

Kakashi leaned back against the doorframe, hands in his pockets. "I wouldn't dream of it."

"Well, it's time for your loverboy to get out of here. Why don't you take him somewhere and show him how much you've been thinking about him, huh?" Anko leered at Kakashi in a way that made Iruka's blood pressure act up.

"Shall we, Iruka-sensei?" Kakashi grinned at him, entirely too unfazed.

When Anko turned to face him expectantly Iruka felt it was safer to beat a quick retreat. He picked up his files and dropped them in the blue bin marked _completed_ before making his way to the door.

"Boyfriend, huh?" Kakashi whispered as he reached the copy-nin.

Iruka wanted to sink through the floor in embarrassment but as that was clearly not going to happen he settled for digging an elbow into the jounin's side. He gave a disgusted huff when Kakashi only chuckled.

 

 

"I'll take you anyway."

Iruka snorted sake and coughed a full minute before dissolving into laughter. Kakashi grinned good-humoredly though he was still flushed a rather alarming shade of red.

"I can't believe you've never read these," he complained ruefully, closing the first volume of the Icha Icha series that he'd been reading from. It was a personal favorite of his.

"When I’m not teaching or grading or helping with school events, I’m at the mission desk or reading mission reports and if I’m lucky I get to play a game of shogi with the Hokage. Reading dubious literature really doesn't even make the list of the top one hundred things I would do if I had some time to spare."

"You have a top one hundred list?" Kakashi looked intrigued.

"Of course," Iruka leaned back on his hands, the grass pleasantly cool under his fingers. "Every teacher at the Academy fantasies about what they would do if they had more free time."

"And what do you fantasize about, sensei?" Kakashi asked with a friendly leer.

Iruka smiled and decided to answer honestly. "Well, number five is a full-body massage," he started, ignoring the way the jounin perked up. "And ninety-nine is a nap, and thirty-three – well I would need a few days – is a visit to the Grain Village, they have the most delicious desserts there. Number two," he scratched the scar on his nose self-consciously, "is to treat Naruto to a proper lunch. Those are the ones I kind of remember offhand."

"Mmmhmm, and number one?" Kakashi asked silkily.

Iruka could feel the heat building in his face until he was sure he was solid red from the neck up.

"Oh my, Sensei, I do think I want to hear number one."

 

Iruka sighed and leaned back against the rough bark of the sakura tree. The golden rays of sunshine filtered through the yellow, orange, red and browning leaves of neighboring trees, fracturing the light into a kaleidoscope of incandescent glimmers. He closed his eyes, feeling the warmth seeping into his skin. 

“My, what a lovely sight.”

Iruka smiled. He’d felt the other man’s approach and known it was because the copy-nin allowed it. “Kakashi-sensei.” He opened his eyes, not standing from his reclining position, and glanced up. The jounin was much closer than he’d anticipated. “Yes, it is beautiful here.”

Something about what he’d said seemed to strike Kakashi as funny and he grinned, visible eye curving in genuine amusement as he glanced around. “I suppose the leaves aren’t bad to look at either.”

Iruka sat up straighter and frowned at the jounin. There were times he was with Kakashi that he got the feeling the other man was laughing at his expense.

Kakashi only grinned wider. “Thank you for meeting me, Sensei.”

“You said it was important.” Iruka took the hand Kakashi offered and stood.

“Very. I have a mission for you.”

Iruka paused in dusting himself off, surprised. “A mission? For me?” It was a little unorthodox for a jounin to be the one to give him a mission but not unheard of and the mission desk should have the details.

“In a manner of speaking.” Iruka glared until the jounin chuckled. “I have to admit, I’m a little concerned you won’t take it.”

“It’s a mission from the Hokage, of course I’ll take it.”

“Well …”

“Kakashi-san!”

“Think of it more as an offer.” The jounin looked up at the canopy of leaves overhead and sighed. “I don’t have a safety standard.”

Iruka blinked. “Okay?” 

Kakashi shrugged. “The Third’s been on me to get one.”

“I still don’t-” Iruka looked around as though their surroundings would provide an answer. “Do you have someone in mind?”

“Hm.”

“You can’t mean-” he jerked to a stop. The idea was too ridiculous. 

Kakashi stepped closer, too close, distracting Iruka with his very solid physical presence. 

“A shinobi can only have a standard of the same rank,” he couldn’t help but blurt out. 

“That’s true,” the jounin conceded easily. “You can’t be my standard.”

Iruka frowned, confused. “Then I don’t understand. What is the mission? The offer?” he corrected.

Kakashi stared at him so long Iruka began to feel self-conscious. The jounin seemed to be weighing him in that focused gaze and finding him lacking. Though maybe not because he raised a hand to Iruka’s shoulder, not squeezing, simply a heavy, possessive warmth that sent shivers down his spine. Iruka was hard-pressed not to move away. There was something too charged suddenly in the stretching silence. He had no idea what kind of proposal Kakashi wanted to make but it seemed jeopardous. Kakashi had gotten too close. Since Mizuki, Iruka hadn’t let another man mean so much. This wasn’t safe. He backed away, breaking that tenuous connection. 

“Kakashi-san?” he prompted again.

The jounin let his hand drop from where it had been hanging as Iruka stepped away. “Ah. Maybe now is not the right time.”

Iruka gazed into the visible eye, trying to puzzle out what the other man wanted from him. He’d known Kakashi for years, but it was only in the past few months that he’d learned anything about the other man, and he knew - though maybe it was stupid to think he could know anything about a jounin - that the other man was disappointed. 

“Kakashi-san-”

“Another time, Sensei,” the jounin interrupted gently. He turned away. “My apologies for monopolizing your schedule.”

 

Kakashi waved lazily as Kurenai made her way over to his table. “Sake?” he asked as she took a seat.

“I’m on duty.”

“Is that a yes?”

Her lips quirked and she shook her head despairingly. “This is why you have a terrible reputation, Kakashi. Anyone who hears you will think you don’t take your duties seriously.”

He leaned back, one arm slung across the top of the booth. “I’ll be happy for people to continue to underestimate me.”

She poured herself some tea, murmuring a soft ‘no’ when the young serving girl asked if she cared for some food. “I’ve been hearing some interesting rumors lately.”

“Oh?”

“About you and a certain chuunin.”

He filled his cup again, pulling his mask down to drink. “Sounds farfetched.”

“Yes.” She studied him. “I thought so too. You make it a point never to get involved with lower ranks.” Her fingers tapped the tabletop restlessly. It was unlike her. “I can’t remember the last time you got openly involved with anyone.”

He could see the moment she realized that he never had. 

“Kakashi,” she said carefully. “You know that Umino and the traitor-” she stopped when his eyes narrowed. 

Of course he knew. Every member of the investigative team knew. Kakashi had been one of the jounin assigned to weed out any collaborators. 

“It was thanks to your report that Umino was completely and discreetly cleared of any wrongdoing,” she said instead. Kurenai poured sake for herself, though it seemed more to have something to do. She wasn’t drinking it. “You realize, of course, that if you get involved with him-”

She stopped. His chakra hadn’t so much as flickered but there was something dangerous in his sudden stillness. 

Kakashi grinned, eye curving in amusement. “You think my original findings will be questioned.”

“I have no doubt of it,” she said, tone even, though her glance was apologetic. 

He nodded. “Then I better make sure there’s no reason to question me.”

 

Iruka figured he should have known. Shinobi had issues – jounin and ANBU in particular – so it didn’t really come as a surprise when Kakashi simply stopped coming around.

Despite the enjoyable – if bizarre – outings he’d had with Kakashi in the past months Iruka never forgot the man was a jounin. It was only a matter of time before the copy-nin got bored. Because of that, Iruka had made it a point to guard his feelings. 

So really, the teacher supposed, it was his own damned fault. You’d think he was still the same insecure kid he’d been after his parents died who would latch onto anyone willing give him the time of day. Except that he’s pretty certain that even back then he wouldn’t have been stupid enough to attach himself to a jounin. 

It’d been more than a month since he’d spoken to Kakashi and in that time he hadn’t so much as had a glimpse of the man. Iruka knew that jounin often took on classified missions and without Naruto to train, then, of course, Kakashi would be on active duty again. Except he wasn’t. In all that time Kakashi had been on one mission – Izumo had shown him the mission report Kakashi had filed – that lasted a week. He’d been in Konoha the rest of time but apparently too busy to so much as say hello.

He was tired of the sympathetic glances that Kotetsu was throwing his way. He was tired of telling people that he and Kakashi had never been an item to begin with, but he was mostly tired of feeling let-down. Iruka wasn’t sure when he’d forgotten that Kakashi hadn’t ever been serious.

 

A week later Iruka realized he was being followed. He also realized that the other man wanted him to know. He gritted his teeth and ignored the copy-nin.

 

“Sensei, sensei look! That was sooo cool!”

“Sensei, who’s that guy?”

“Don’t look at him, Sora-chan! He’s a pervert!”

“What? How do you know?”

“Ch. Obvious, ‘cause he’s covering his face. Only perverts cover their faces.”

Iruka calmly called the class back inside, closed all the windows and pulled down the shades. 

 

It was the last straw when Kakashi set his nin-dogs on him.

“Tell that-!” Iruka managed to control himself when Shiba flinched. On purpose, Iruka thought crossly. He doubted that with the opponents Kakashi faced, his dogs would be intimidated by a chuunin but he still lowered his voice. “Tell your master that if he wants to speak to me he can damn well do it like a normal human being.”

There was a snort behind him and Iruka turned to be faced with Pakkun. “Honestly, sensei, his closest friend is Gai. You remember him, right? Tall man, fur where his eyebrows should be, walks around in a _green spandex suit_ , you can’t really think Kakashi understands normal.”

“He’s the copy-nin isn’t he? I’m sure he can manage an appropriate facsimile!” Iruka snapped.

Pakkun gave him a pitying look. “Yes, but he’s also emotionally deficient. You might say he’s impotent.”

“Hey now.”

“Stupid more like,” Iruka said in distaste, ignoring Kakashi completely. 

“Ouch. Though ‘I will endure the stones flung by love if they come from your hand,’ as Gai would say.”

Iruka raised an unamused eyebrow.

The jounin grinned, “Then again, Gai doesn’t have a snuggle-bunny so I should probably forego his advice.”

Iruka crossed his arms.

Kakashi’s smile began to look strained. “You’re throwing my game off.”

“I wasn’t aware we were playing one,” Iruka said coldly.

“Stop being an idiot, _master_ ,” Pakkun sniffed. “You’re the alpha, you should just bite him and make him submit.”

Iruka froze in horror.

“Thank you, Pakkun,” Kakashi said stiffly. The mutt didn’t have the decency to look chastised. “You can go now. You too, Shiba.”

With a puff of smoke, they were gone and he and Iruka were alone. As alone as you could be on a public street.

Kakashi scratched the back of his head with all the appearance of nonchalance. “He has a very inappropriate sense of humor. Although to be fair that might be my fault.”  


“Jounin-san, I think I’ve been more than patient. Now I’d like for you to explain to me why you’ve been following me.” 

Kakashi grinned, he _was_ polite his chunin-sensei. He did not once say the words, _stalked_ or _hounded_ or possibly _harassed_. It had taken Iruka longer than he thought it would to snap. “Aren’t we friends? Isn’t it only proper I check in with you?”

Iruka took a deep breath and tried not to murder one of Konoha’s most elite jounin. He managed to stop himself because he was sure the attempt would only end in his utter humiliation. That didn’t mean he couldn’t give the jounin his best glare that had even the most disruptive students quivering in their sandals. 

Kakashi just slouched down farther. 

“If you won’t have the good manners of being honest, please stay away from me.” 

Iruka turned to walk away only to find himself once again facing the copy-nin. 

“Okay, okay,” came the amused reply. “The truth is that I’ve fallen madly in love with you and –”

The crack of Iruka’s palm against Kakashi’s face was overly loud in the sudden, dead silence. 

“Oh.” Iruka realized numbly that the sound came from him. 

“I guess it’s true what they say about the shy ones. That almost hurt, sensei.”

Iruka could feel his face heating and knew he was flushing horribly but he couldn’t make himself stop and at the moment he didn’t much care. He knew Kakashi loved to play head games, and mostly he treated it like an errant student seeking attention, relatively harmless and not to be taken seriously, so he was surprised by the stab of pain he felt, like grief, at Kakashi’s careless words. It’s not like he needed reminding that he was alone and that, idiot that he was, he’d almost come to believe– 

“Excuse me, Hatake-san.” Iruka bowed to the jounin with stiff formality, refusing to look at him. He wasn’t going to make more of a fool of himself by overreacting to what amounted to harmless teasing. If Kakashi didn’t know that he had just cruelly, though (Iruka wanted to believe) unintentionally flicked at the raw, then Iruka was certainly not going to enlighten him.

Kakashi did not so much as shift aside and Iruka thought _to hell with politeness, he doesn’t deserve the courtesy_ before reaching out to shove the other man aside. He expected his fingers to meet air, for the jounin to simply poof out of his grasp. Instead, his fingertips found the rough cloth texture of the shinobi vest and he was surprised when his hand was caught against that firm chest. 

“Iruka-sensei,” Iruka glanced at the jounin warily. “I promise I had no intention of offending you.” Kakashi couldn’t quite bring himself to say _hurting you _. But that was most definitely a flash of hurt he’d seen in the chuunin’s eyes. ANBU he may have been, but causing unnecessary pain was never something he’d found the taste for.__

____

Iruka sighed, shoulders slumping. “And I had no intention of hitting you. I’m sorry.” He looked down, ashamed. He didn’t want to say the words, but he owed the man an explanation for his unforgivable lapse. “You’re … you’ve become a … dear friend.” He took a breath, forcing himself to meet Kakashi’s unwavering gaze. “It just seemed like you didn’t-”

"Of course I do, Iruka,” Kakashi murmured, taking pity on him and stepping forward.

“Kakashi-sensei!”

Iruka winced and stepped back, pulling his hand away. Even on his best (or worst) days he hadn’t managed to reach that ear-splitting decibel. “Is that-?”

A second later Naruto was standing between them, glaring at Kakashi. Iruka was inordinately pleased with himself at not betraying any surprise, even more so when he saw Kakashi twitch.

“What are you doing to Iruka-sensei?”

Iruka did startle at that but Kakashi merely waved his fingers lazily at Naruto in clear dismissal. “We’re both adults, brat, if your sensei wants to –”

“He doesn’t want to!”

Kakashi gave Naruto a slow leer, obvious even through the mask, that begged to be swiped at and Naruto was so nearly purple with indignation that he might try.

“Naruto,” Iruka used his firmest voice and squared his shoulders. He saw the blond’s shoulders hunch defensively but he didn’t soften his stance. “Absolutely nothing is going on. You’re misunderstanding.”

“Then why’d Sakura-chan say the pervert’s buying you food and stuff?”

__Pervert? Kakashi’s visible eyebrow twitched. He hadn’t been ‘the pervert’ since Naruto had thankfully given the title to Jiraiya._ _

__“And, and right now he was touching-”_ _

__“But,” Iruka continued, overriding whatever his former student was going to say, “even if you weren’t, it’s my decision, Naruto.”_ _

__Iruka, Kakashi decided, though cute and kind of a firecracker – the last chunin to stand up to him hadn’t managed to stay standing for long – could really be a bit obtuse. He regularly underestimated how important he was to others._ _

__Naruto shuffled his feet, looking for all the world like the neglected child he’d once been and Iruka was looking like he’d just kicked a puppy. Maybe a rabid one, in Kakashi’s opinion, but a puppy nonetheless._ _

__“Well, Iruka-sensei,” Kakashi mustered up his brightest smile, “it looks like we’ll have to put off our game of shogi. You wanted to treat Naruto to ramen, right?”_ _

__Naruto glanced up hopefully and Iruka smiled in gratitude at the other man, forgiveness and apology in one glance. Kakashi blinked at that warmth for a moment. Ah, he thought silently rueful, that thing he’d been missing – was it really that simple?_ _

__“Well, if you’re not busy,” Iruka was saying, not really pulling off casual indifference but Naruto didn’t seem to care._ _

__“I’m not! I’ll go!” The blond gave the chunin a blinding smile and Iruka felt his heart contract painfully._ _

__He was trying so hard to let Naruto grow up. As the boy had reminded him so often, he wasn’t a kid anymore. Naruto had already surpassed Iruka – long ago, in fact – so Iruka was trying not to worry, not to hover, but he hadn’t considered that Naruto might still need him. The blond had so many people now and one chuunin who almost hadn’t seen Naruto’s greatness until it was too late shouldn’t matter so much._ _

__Except that Naruto was looking at him like he had after Iruka had handed the boy his own hitae-ate. He reached out and squeezed Naruto’s shoulder. “Well, but don’t think it’s always going to be me treating you,” he groused, unsuccessfully trying to wipe the smile off his face. “When you’re made Hokage, you’re going to be the one treating me to ramen.”_ _

__Iruka wasn’t prepared when Naruto launched himself into his arms but he still managed to keep his feet. It was a shock to feel strong arms close around him and feel a head pillowed on this shoulder that was nearly the same height as his. A moment later he closed his own arms around Naruto._ _

__The pair made their way leisurely to Ichiraku, ignoring that the sharingan user had long since made his escape._ _

__Kakashi watched them go thinking that Iruka might have finally figured out that Naruto would never outgrow his darling Iruka-sensei’s caring._ _

__

__Kotetsu was eyeing him sidelong. The man seemed to be under the impression that he was being discreet._ _

__He ignored the chuunin, eyes scanning the file in front of him, checking thoroughly for completeness, silently pleased at the rows of neat and clear characters. Kakashi could never seem to-_ _

__Iruka stamped the mission report a little too forcefully making Izumo glance at him, eyebrow raised. He cleared his throat, glancing up at the jounin. “Thank you, Sarutobi-san.” The man didn’t move. “Was there something else I could help you with?” he asked respectfully. He didn’t glance at the twelve other shinobi waiting with their reports in hand._ _

__The man pulled his ever-present cigarette out of his mouth and put it out on the table in front of Iruka. “It true? About you and Kakashi?” the sound didn’t carry farther than the desk._ _

__Iruka stiffened. “I don’t know what you mean, Sarutobi-san,” he answered frostily. “And please don’t put out your cigarettes on the desk, it’ll mar the wood.”  
__

__Asuma grinned, sharp and cold like the edges of his chakra blades. “You’re still fearless, aren’t you?”_ _

__Iruka didn’t bother to respond, only placed the file into the bin designated for the Hokage’s office._ _

__“Yeah, I can see why he likes you.”_ _

__Iruka’s hands clenched. “If that was all, sensei-”_ _

__“He was out on a mission with a genin, just to keep an eye on the kid. Supposed to be D-class.” Iruka glanced up as Asuma leaned against the desk. “Word is, it got a lot more complicated.” The jounin leaned forward even more until only Iruka could hear. “The kid didn’t make it.”_ _

__The breath caught in Iruka’s throat, gaze searching the other man’s for more information. There would be none forthcoming, he knew. Asuma shouldn’t have said even that much.  
__

____

Iruka stood. “Pardon me,” he murmured. He turned to the other two chunin. “I’m sorry to leave you two alone,” he said, uncaring at the grumbles from the other shinobi standing in line waiting to have their reports inspected, “but there’s something important I need to do.”  


__Asuma grinned at him as he made his way quickly out of the office._ _

__

__There hadn't been a sound from inside but suddenly he was staring into mismatched eyes. "What is it?"_ _

__Kakashi had not fully opened the door and his tone was one of bored impatience. Iruka tried not to let that smart. He had to tread very carefully here, he couldn’t read the other man’s chakra, but his instincts were screaming at him to run in the opposite direction. This was the ANBU, the weapon. He took a step closer._ _

__"Forgive me for disturbing you, Jounin-san. Sakura-chan mentioned that you'd been hurt and…" His words deserted him in the face of that icy silence. This was not the Kakashi he had come to know._ _

__"And?" There was sharp amusement behind the word._ _

__Iruka took a calming breath. He'd known this wouldn't be easy. He’d run into Sakura-chan outside and she’d had said that Kakashi had refused medical treatment despite being injured. _He lost a young shinobi in combat_ , she'd whispered, so as not to be overheard. Iruka could very well fill in what she did not say. Kakashi blamed himself._ _

__"If you'd permit me, Hatake-san, I'd like to dress your injuries." Iruka bowed low, not moving._ _

__Kakashi snorted. "As an inactive chuunin you must feel it's your duty to help the battle-wounded," he mocked._ _

__Iruka tried not to let that sting. "May I?" He repeated._ _

__He bore the silence and after a moment he heard Kakashi step back and the door swung open a bit more. That was the best invitation he was likely to receive._ _

__"Thank you. Pardon the intrusion," he murmured, pausing to remove his sandals and line them up next to Kakashi's._ _

__"So polite." The amusement had more of an edge, felt more dangerous._ _

__He glanced around and saw that the gauze he would need was already laid out along with a needle, thread, alcohol, and tape to hold the gauze secure. No anesthetic. Iruka's hands clenched into fists._ _

__When there was no way to avoid it any longer he turned to Kakashi._ _

__The jounin's face was shockingly blank. He tried not to flinch and instead focused on categorizing what he saw. Kakashi's hitae-ate was still up, sharingan working despite his obvious exhaustion. Iruka wasn't fooled into thinking Kakashi was vulnerable. He made a point to keep his own hands well away from his vest._ _

__"If you'd take a seat," he murmured, pointing at the lone chair in the room. Kakashi stepped closer to him instead._ _

__He didn't reach for his kunai but it was a near thing._ _

__Kakashi stopped, still a foot away. "Are you afraid of me, Iruka?"_ _

__"I have healthy respect for injured jounin."_ _

__"Broken, you mean?" The voice was deceptively mild. "What is the first rule when it comes to damaged jounin, Iruka?"_ _

__He could recite it in his sleep. "If a jounin is injured but not incapacitated give them as much space as possible and have no direct interaction. Inform other jounin of the situation immediately." To be more accurate, it was in the case of a jounin who had snapped during a mission._ _

__"And what is the only exception to that rule?"_ _

__"The only exception to this rule is if the jounin will recognize you as his or her safety standard. However, any shinobi may act unpredictably when wounded therefore it is recommended to maintain a safe distance."_ _

__"Very good." Iruka tried not to buckle under the miasma of killing intent that suddenly suffocated the room. He told himself he'd been prepared for this. "Why are _you_ here?"_ _

__The words hit him like whiplash but he was unable to respond, his mouth gone completely dry._ _

__"Still not one to follow protocol are you, Iruka?" He felt a hand gently cup his cheek, fingers curved tenderly over his jaw. His pulse jumped – he hadn't even seen the other move. "Still think you know better than your superiors," he said enraged, savage._ _

__Iruka jerked back, his survival instincts screaming at him. Too late, Kakashi pinned him to the door, fingers clutched tight around the teacher's wrist._ _

__"Iruka." The hand that grasped his wrist tightened until Iruka was gritting his teeth at the pain as his bones ground together but he did not move. "You must be a masochist, you always take in the most troublesome in the entire village. Will you conquer Sunagakure next? I hear Gaara is a real demon."_ _

__Iruka didn't respond, he might cry out in pain if he did and he refused to let Kakashi push him away now. The other man's chakra was stifling him, crushing his lungs but he pushed that aside as best he could to focus on the man before him. There was a frightful darkness in Kakashi's eyes behind the smiling façade that Iruka was just now glimpsing, but he refused to believe Kakashi was truly that far-gone. The other man could have killed him a hundred times over by now, but he hadn’t. He took a shuddering breath as best he was able and shifted closer to Kakashi, as slowly as he knew how, emboldened when Kakashi made no move to evade him._ _

__Iruka brushed his free hand gently over the jounin's eyes, closing them and it startled Kakashi enough that some of the pressure of his chakra lifted. The chunin leaned in, face close to the other man's until they were only separated by his hand, their breaths mingling between them in warm, soft puffs. "You did everything you could," he stated softly but with absolute certainty, "it wasn't your fault."_ _

__Iruka held his breath, willing the jounin to believe him. This was the famed genius, Sharingan Kakashi, if anyone could see underneath the underneath, it ought to be him.__

____

__

__"Was he your student?"_ _

__Iruka exhaled shakily. "Yes. He made genin just three classes ahead of Naruto."_ _

__Iruka fed his chakra slowly into the gash, concentrating on not further aggravating the flesh. He was no medi-nin and this required precision work that was far more advanced than the hasty training teachers received to heal minor scrapes and bruises._ _

__And though it must have been painful, Kakashi only continued to stare at Iruka as though he hadn't quite decided what to make of him. He kept his fingers gentle over warm, pale skin. When he had done all he could with chakra, Iruka carefully covered the wound with a sterile pad and gauze. It was still too newly healed to be exposed._ _

__Kakashi surveyed the dressing. "You really do take on the most daunting tasks, Iruka. There are less nerve-wracking ways to get attention, you know."_ _

__Iruka sat back on his heels and breathed very carefully through his nose. He taught ten-year-olds who too-often were high on absurd amounts of sugar. It would take more than this jounin to make him snap._ _

__He stood and gathered the supplies, tossing all the bloodied rags in the trash and picked up the jounin's vest, setting it near the other man's chair. Kakashi shifted but remained seated._ _

__Moving to the washroom, he scrubbed his hands thoroughly, emphatically not thinking about blood and how there seemed to be a lot more of it than the copy-nin's wounds warranted._ _

__Fingers closed lightly around his wrists pulling his hands away and the scalding water was shut off._ _

__He was turned and there was no point fighting so Iruka faced the copy-nin. He noted distractedly that the hitae-ate was down and once again covering the sharingan. That was a good sign._ _

__"It's not his blood."_ _

__Iruka nodded numbly._ _

__"It was after … I …" Iruka could feel Kakashi take a breath. The bathroom was rather confined. "They killed him and took off. I went after them."_ _

__Kakashi grasped the young teacher's shoulders. Young, whereas Kakashi had never felt older._ _

__"I went after them knowing I shouldn't. I was explicitly ordered not to pursue because they had three elite genjutsu users and their combined abilities could influence the minds of the most skilled shinobi. There's a reason why there are ANBU stationed around the building. You shouldn't have come, Iruka. I don't know why they allowed it."_ _

__"Gai-san thought I could- "_ _

__"Gai has too many silly, romantic notions in his head," Kakashi snarled._ _

__Iruka shoved him away and stalked to the door. He had already stepped into his sandals and had the door open when Kakashi once again pinned him to the wall, door slamming closed. Iruka was hard-pressed to stay still._ _

__"I can't quite manage to say the right thing to you, can I?" Iruka paused at the sheepish tone. Kakashi took his hands and interlaced their fingers, reaching up to tug his mask down. Iruka couldn't stop staring. Even the handful of times they had shared a meal he had always glanced away to afford the man his privacy but now Kakashi was deliberately baring himself._ _

__"Well, how about this?"_ _

__The genius jounin Copy-Nin, Master of a Thousand Jutsu brought Iruka's hands to his mouth and softly kissed his fingertips._ _

__"Thank you, Sensei."_ _

__

__Touro was buried two days later, after ANBU intelligence released the body. To make a mournful day drearier, it was raining._ _

__Iruka held Chiyo's hand while the little girl sobbed, his other holding an umbrella over their heads. It seemed most of the village – those not on missions – were there to pay their respects to the latest shinobi to lose his life. A very short life. Iruka glanced to the right where Kakashi was standing with Kurenai. He could hear, soft as they were, the whispers and he saw the glances being thrown Kakashi's way. The jounin did not appear to hear or see any of it, his eyes fixed on Touro's mom._ _

__The observance was over and people had begun to trickle away when Kakashi stepped forward to stand before the woman. Her husband had an arm wrapped around her holding her up. "Arashi-san, I wish to express my deepest sympathies. I-"_ _

__The sound of the slap resounded in the violent silence. The people around them froze._ _

__Iruka bit his lip until he drew blood._ _

__Kakashi bowed low before turning and slowly making his way out of the cemetery._ _

__Chiyo and her friends were some of the last to leave and Iruka walked them home, hugging Chiyo goodbye, his heart breaking at the way she clung to him. He was safe in the village while his kids – Naruto – were out risking their lives, losing their lives. For the first time in his life, he felt sick to be a teacher._ _

__

__It was Pakkun who headed him off. "He's not there."_ _

__Iruka stopped, staring warily at the mutt. "Did he send you to tell me that?"_ _

__"No," Pakkun looked weary, "he's at the Academy. I think he's waiting for you."_ _

__Not certain what to make of that Iruka merely nodded and thanked the nin-dog._ _

__

__It was the weekend so the Academy was closed. Iruka unlocked the front doors, not bothering to wonder how the jounin had gotten inside. He stepped into his classroom and reached for the switch._ _

__"Leave it off, it's light enough."_ _

__Iruka nodded. Kakashi was leaning against his desk, looking entirely too relaxed._ _

__"Pakkun told me – "_ _

__The jounin sighed loudly. "I knew he'd go running to you." The man shook his head in exasperation. "You go out on a couple of dates and suddenly everyone thinks you're married."_ _

__"Were we dating?" Iruka asked watchfully._ _

__The copy-nin looked unconcerned. "Come now, sensei, I don’t share Icha Icha with just anyone."_ _

__"I see. Why?"_ _

__"I wanted to horrify Naruto."_ _

__"Isn't that pointless if he's not around to see it?"_ _

__"He heard about it just fine." Kakashi studied him openly. "Why aren't you yelling at me and storming off in outrage, sensei?"_ _

__Iruka smiled faintly. "Because I have thirty students on any given day and I've learned all the ways the little brats will try to distract me." He sobered quickly. "She's in pain now, Kakashi-san, so she's looking to lash out at someone, but you're not at fault for what happened to Touro-kun."_ _

__"Did you just call me a brat, sensei?"_ _

__"I did." Iruka glared at the jounin. "Do you still blame yourself?"_ _

__"It's hard not to."_ _

__Iruka moved forward, close enough that he was in the jounin's personal space._ _

__"Then, will you blame me too?" he asked in a pained whisper._ _

__"What?" Kakashi had straightened abruptly. "Sensei?"_ _

__"I'm a teacher. I took the Academy exam just a few years after I made chunin. I haven't gone on a mission since then. Maybe if it had been me-"_ _

__The copy-nin looked grim. He lifted his hitae-ate, revealing his scarred left eye. Iruka stared in fascination. "Iruka, you would give your life for any one of those kids. You would protect them with your life."_ _

__Iruka was unable to look away when the jounin lifted a hand and a gentle thumb touched the tiny puffy wound on his lip where he'd bitten through the skin. Iruka had forgotten all about it._ _

__"Don't you understand what you did for Naruto? Nobody else could, or would, do what you did. You're needed right where you are sensei. You can do what the rest of us can't."  
__

____

Kakashi coaxed him forward gently, his touch as immaterial as the whisper of silk, and Iruka was drawn helplessly forward. He was still while the jounin plucked the tie off his ponytail and his hair came loose, draping over his shoulders. Kakashi buried his hands in that soft fall. "You greatly undervalue what you do for us all, Sensei," he murmured, cupping the chuunin's head with his hands. Their breaths mingled, lips only inches apart.  


__

__Iruka forbore answering and instead pulled down that ever-present mask, indulging in simply looking at Kakashi for a moment before need drove him forward and he sealed his with lips with the other man's. It was a soft kiss, chaste, a too-brief brush of lips. Iruka pulled back reluctantly. “If you don’t have somewhere else to be, stay with me today.”_ _

__

__“Yes, Sensei,” Kakashi murmured. He pulled Iruka close, arms wrapped tight around him._ _

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be a lighthearted, playful fic (hence the title) but I can't stay away from the ANGST!! lol oh well.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!!!! sort of ^.^'  
> It's been an insanely busy time and it'll be busy again come July so I'll try to finish this story before then because I will have almost zero time to write after that. This was originally going to be 2 parts, but it's turned into three.  
> Also, I'm not in love with part two, but fuck it I'm posting it as is.  
> Oh, and if you're following the other KakaIru story, I'll have that updated by the end of the month. Whoo!

“Hi, Iruka-sensei!”

Iruka blinked. “Naruto.” He stepped back automatically to let him in then winced realizing his miscalculation too late. 

“I knew he’d be here,” the blond related loudly as he took off his sandals, spotting Kakashi reclining at the kotatsu with a cup of tea. The two of them had been talking quietly a moment ago, but now the man was lazily perusing Icha Icha, mask firmly in place once again. 

“Naruto,” he advised sternly, “be polite. Greet Kakashi-san properly.”

The blond cleared his throat and suddenly looked serious. Too serious. “Kakashi-sensei.” The jounin actually looked up at the tone. Naruto bowed his head. “I heard about what happened. I’m deeply sorry.”

Iruka held his breath. 

“I went by your place to check on you, you know. I’m glad you’re not hurt. ” He turned back to Iruka with a blinding grin. “But if you were, Iruka-sensei is the best at taking care of you when you’re hurt.” He scrubbed at the back of his head sheepishly. “Don’t tell Sakura-chan, but she’s way too rough. The last time she was healing me she tore open my stitches again.”

“Stitches? When did you get stitches?” Iruka asked alarmed.

“Uh-”

“You must be hungry, Naruto,” Kakashi cut in brightly.

“Nah, not really,” the blond refuted taking a seat across from Kakashi at the low table then winced and rubbed at his shin, glaring at the jounin. “Uh, but now that you mention it, I could eat.”

Iruka would be irate at their ridiculous attempts to manipulate him, but cooking for Naruto had become somewhat therapeutic. And if it got Kakashi to eat as well, all the better. “Fine,” he sighed. “But I’m not making ramen.” Iruka held up a hand when Naruto looked ready to protest. “You eat enough ramen. I’m making you a proper meal.”

“Whaaat?” Naruto whined, then winced and clutched at his shin again. “I mean okay, jeez.”

Iruka’s lips twitched. “I’ll need to make a quick run to the market,” he informed them, stepping into his shoes. He debated for a moment but decided he didn’t need to bother with his vest. 

Kakashi’s head resurfaced from his book. “I’ll come with you, sensei,” he offered, shifting to stand.

“Please stay,” Iruka bid. “The shop is nearby and you can keep Naruto company for me.”

The blond leaned forward, arms on the table and grinned at the jounin, a sharp baring of teeth. “Yeah, sensei, keep me company.”

“Ah, Iruka-san, I really think-” Kakashi tried again.

Iruka didn’t wait to hear more. “Be right back!” 

 

Hairo’s market four blocks east of his apartment complex was open until nine. Iruka sped up to a jog and just managed to duck under the lowering grill as Hairo-san was about to close. 

“Sorry, sir,” he murmured, bowing. “I realize it’s late.”

The old man huffed, placing his hands on his hips. “Iruka-kun, don’t you have classes early tomorrow morning?”

“Ah, yes, sir,” he said. “My apologies, but would it be okay if I picked up a few things? Some sake as well.”

“Oh?” The retired chuunin gazed at him shrewdly. “Company?”

Iruka managed not to twitch. “Well ...”

The old man laughed. “No need to say more, Iruka-kun. Go ahead and pick out what you need.”

“Thank you, sir.”

 

He took his time on the walk back, needing to think. The invitation he’d extended to Kakashi to stay with him had been sincere, but now he wondered where they were headed. Kakashi had not made a single mention of their kiss in the time they’d spent together, in fact, he hadn’t been his usual borderline-inappropriate self and it left Iruka floundering, uncertain. 

“Iruka!”

He turned, surprised. “Genma-san.” He bowed shortly. “It’s good to see you back safe.”

“Hey, hey, I’ve told you to cut it out with that formality and ‘san’ stuff.”

Iruka grinned. “Yes, Genma. How was your mission?”

The other man grimaced. “Not as informative as I would have hoped.”

“Ah.”

“Yeah.” He leaned forward to peer into Iruka’s paper bag. “Hey, don’t mind if I do, Iruka. Let’s go drink to my return.”

Iruka pulled back, not moving to follow as Genma walked a few steps ahead. “Genma-san-” 

The other man stopped and turned. 

“It would be a pleasure to drink to your return another time.”

The jounin squinted at him.

“I don’t mean to be rude-”

“Uh huh.” The man flicked the senbon in his mouth. “That reminds me, things seem to have gotten interesting around here while I was gone.” 

Iruka clutched the bag a little tighter, the crinkle of paper overly loud in the quiet street.

The man looked up, seeming to study the clear night sky with its dazzle of stars. “I heard the illustrious killer, Sharingan Kakashi, got himself hitched.”

“Don’t call him that!” Iruka snapped before he could stop himself. He couldn’t quite manage an apology for his outburst to a superior officer, but he did take a calming breath. “Please, don’t say that about him,” he continued with a bit more restraint.

“Oh, Iruka,” Genma lamented, looking back down at him pityingly. “Of all the men in the world, why him?”

He looked away. “You’re misunderstanding, Genma-san.” 

“Uh huh. So if we go to your place he won’t be waiting?”

Iruka’s lips tightened. 

“That’s what I thought.” The jounin sighed. “Look, it’s your life, but we’re friends so I need to warn you that getting involved with Kakashi is a surefire way to get hurt.”

Iruka swallowed and glanced away. “You may have worked with him, but I don’t think you know him at all, Genma-san,” he said quietly. 

“For your sake, I hope you’re right.” The other man shrugged. “Just don’t forget that you’re dealing with an ex-ANBU captain and S-rank shinobi and the cuddliest name they gave him is ‘Cold-Blooded Kakashi.’ The things you need, Iruka, he won’t be able to give you.”

Iruka stiffened. “With all due respect, Genma-san, you have no idea what you’re talking about. And whom I choose to spend time with is none of your concern.”

“Well, you have me to rights there.” He wasn’t looking at Iruka. “I suppose time will tell. Right, Hatake?”

Iruka flinched and turned, but the shadows were too deep and even now he couldn’t sense or see anyone until the jounin stepped forward and his silver hair caught the moonlight. 

“Shiranui,” Kakashi greeted evenly, not taking his gaze off Iruka. 

There was a loud crash in the darkness to the right of the jounin and Naruto’s chakra flared. “Hey, hey. What do you think you’re doing with Iruka-sensei?” he demanded, erupting from the foliage, bristling and indignant. “You stay away from him.”

Genma raised an eyebrow in amusement. “Well, I can see that you’re spoken for tonight, Iruka. We’ll share a bottle of sake another time.”

Naruto stalked forward and latched onto Iruka’s arm possessively. “Sensei, you need to stop getting mixed up with all these weirdos,” the blond said glaring at the jounin.

Iruka closed his eyes, horrified. “Naruto,” he groaned. He bowed to Genma. “My apologies, Genma-san. He didn’t mean that.”

He glanced to the side but Kakashi didn’t appear concerned about Naruto’s lack of decorum. Well, he was probably used to it.

Genma snorted dismissively. “I get the feeling Uzumaki says exactly what he means. But don’t worry,” he added with a grin at Iruka’s wince, “I’m not offended.” He turned and spit out the senbon with enough chakra-laden force behind it that it embedded in a nearby tree with a sharp thunk.

Naruto’s jaw dropped. “Holy shit!”

“Language, Naruto,” Iruka reprimanded, though it was more out of habit than conviction. 

“By the way, Hatake,” Genma added as he turned to walk away, “I heard the Hokage met with the Daimyo about your little problem.”

Kakashi’s face remained impassive.

“I don’t know how many favors you had to call in, but his name’s been redacted on every single document that mentions that incident. Thanks for that,” he threw over his shoulder. “You saved me the trouble of taking care of it myself.” He waved at them then vanished with a puff of smoke.

“Jounin,” Iruka huffed, exasperated. He turned back to Kakashi, wanting to ask what that had been about but glanced at Naruto and thought better of it. “Well,” he said instead, “what are you two doing here? I thought I asked you to stay home.”

“But we got bored, Iruka-sensei. You were taking forever,” Naruto griped from where he was plucking out the senbon. “Whoa, this is pretty cool.”

Kakashi was staring at the space where Genma had disappeared. “Seems you have yourself a good friend there, sensei.”

Iruka frowned thoughtfully, but he couldn’t quite decipher the other man’s tone. “He’s been kind,” he finally answered softly. “After …” he didn’t look at Naruto. “There weren’t all that many people eager to spend time with me.”

“More fools they,” Kakashi returned solemnly. “Shall we get going?”

“Yeah, sensei, let’s go. Man, it’s gonna be super late by the time the food is done. Can I stay over?”

“Of course, Naruto,” Iruka indulged.

“He has a point, sensei. I think I’ll be too tired to leave, myself.”

Naruto turned to glare at the jounin and insinuated himself between the two men as they walked. “Forget it, that’s too suspicious. I’m not letting you stay at Iruka-sensei’s.”

They argued - loudly in Naruto’s case - the entire way back to the apartment. 

Iruka needed to get his head examined because he was happier than he could ever remember being just then.

 

“You know where the futon is, Naruto,” he said as he pulled away the plate of food that Naruto was in danger of falling onto face-first. “Come on. Up you go.”

The blond grumbled unintelligibly making Kakashi huff a laugh into his sake cup. The man stood, stretched, and murmured a quiet, “Allow me.” He rearranged the low table to make room then went to dig in the closet for bedding. In five minutes he had the futon laid out and piled high with pillows. “Come on, kid,” he called, amused when the drowsy blond only whined loudly. He hefted him easily then lowered him onto the softness of sheets and comforters. 

Naruto sighed and burrowed deeper into the covers. 

“Thank you.”

Kakashi didn’t say anything, only turned to face Iruka who stood at his shoulder looking down at Naruto, smiling faintly. “God, when I see him like this, it’s easy to forget that he’s growing up. And I have to let him. He’s not my son, not even my family, I don’t have any right-”

“You love him,” Kakashi interrupted. “That’s enough.”

They stood a foot apart, the breadth between them charged, uncertain.

“I hope it is,” Iruka answered finally. They needed to talk. There was so much more that needed to be said. Kakashi still blamed himself for his student’s death and that would only lead to a path of destruction. It nearly had already.

But the jounin’s intentional withdrawal was not making breaching the subject easy. 

“Kakashi-san,” he murmured after a beat, “I hope you know I … I’ll help in any way I can. If there’s anything ...” he trailed off in the wake of Kakashi’s stonewall silence.

“I appreciate it,” the jounin murmured after a time, then deliberately moved away and began clearing the low table.

Iruka didn’t quite manage to contain his sigh but decided retreat was the best course of action for the moment. “You don’t have to do that. I’ll take care of it.”

He picked Naruto’s half-empty plate, wondering if he should try to salvage some of the food for breakfast when a prickling in his scalp alerted him to … something. He realized Kakashi had never responded. Not necessarily unusual in and of itself, but … 

He glanced back, frowning, and looked at the jounin more closely. 

The hairs on the nape of his neck stood on end and goosebumps broke over his skin.

Kakashi stood in the same position looking down into a half-empty bowl of miso soup. He was unnaturally, inhumanly still. 

Iruka opened his mouth but snapped it shut as a nearly imperceptible trembling began. Kakashi remained frozen, his breathing suddenly haggard, muscles clenched. “Kakashi-san?” 

“It’s not real.” The words were barely audible. “They’re here. They’re safe.” Kakashi sucked in a sharp breath and tore off the hitae-ate that covered his left eye. Iruka flinched as he saw the mangekyou Sharingan already activating, vividly red, appearing and disappearing, uncontrolled. 

“Kakashi!” he whispered vehemently, trying not to wake Naruto, and dared to grip the other man’s shoulder. 

Kakashi’s gaze - terribly unfocused and unrecognizable - snapped to his in an instant. There was one harrowing, deadly moment of complete lack of recognition before the other man took a deliberate breath. The sharingan vanished, and Kakashi managed a grimace that was meant to be a grin. “My apologies, sensei. It’s under control.”

“What was that?” he questioned carefully. “Was it-?”

“Nothing for you to be concerned about.” He glanced down in surprise at the bowl he still clutched in his hand and set it down.

Iruka glared at the jounin in disbelief. “Nothing to be concerned about?” he repeated, appalled. “You’re clearly suffering from the aftereffects of the genjutsu-”

“No.” The tone was sharp, definite. “You brought me back. The genjutsu’s gone.”

“Kakashi-”

“I’m just more tired than I thought.”

No. No, simple exhaustion wouldn’t do that to a shinobi. Certainly not to an experienced, high-ranking shinobi like Kakashi. “Then you should stay,” Iruka returned tightly, worry pounding at his veins as he watched Kakashi raise less-than-steady hands to his head to tie the hitae-ate back in place.

The jounin shook his head. “That’s not a good idea.” 

“Why?” he demanded bluntly. “Because you might hurt us?”

“Of course not,” Kakashi returned sharply. He paled. “Is that what you believe? That I could still snap? That I could hurt you?”

“No,” Iruka admitted. Maybe it made him a fool to believe that after what he’d just witnessed, but he did believe it and he wasn’t the only one. He glanced at Naruto, still trustingly sprawled on the futon, drooling a bit on one pillow, arms wrapped around another. “I trust you, Kakashi-san. We both do.”

Kakashi closed his eyes for a moment, shoulders relaxing infinitesimally. “I won’t stay, but I would like to request a favor.”

“Favor?” Iruka blinked at the rapid procession of hand seals that Kakashi formed before a puff of smoke in his living room materialized into Bisuke. “Oh no. No.”

He ignored the insulted chuff the dog gave. 

“Kakashi-san …”

“Please,” the jounin said simply, drained, and Iruka could not have denied him anything then.

He sighed in surrender and Bisuke trotted to Naruto’s side, curling up next to him. 

“Thank you, sensei,” Kakashi murmured quietly. “It’ll … help to know he’s here.”

Right, but everything was fine, Iruka thought drolly. He watched as Kakashi walked out the door and didn’t try to stop him.

“He’s not getting better is he?”

Iruka closed his eyes. He’d known Naruto was awake. He wondered if Kakashi had as well, or if he’d missed it in his struggle with whatever nightmare the genjutsu attack had chosen to show him. “He needs time.”

 

Two days after that Kakashi was standing at his door when he got home from a long day at the academy. “Um,” he said intelligently. 

The other man raised the bag of groceries he held in one hand. “I hope I’m not overstepping, sensei. I thought I could cook you dinner.”

It still took a minute before Iruka could open his mouth. “Oh,” he said finally. “That sounds lovely.” He unlocked his door, mind whirling. Kakashi looked a bit pale - more pale than was his wont - and there were faint shadows under his eyes. The chuunin sucked in a discreet breath to fortify himself as he removed his shoes. He was going to have to pry. No easy feat with shinobi. Even less so with jounin. Particularly difficult with a man as private and reticent as Kakashi. Good thing there was some sake left. 

“How can I help?” he asked as Kakashi set about busying himself in the small kitchen. 

The jounin removed his gloves and ran the water, taking out some negi and a head of cabbage. “Please, allow me to handle this, sensei. You can finish up any work you have for the Academy.”

He did have a pile of work to get through that had been building up, but …

“Go ahead,” Kakashi pressed when he saw Iruka hesitate. “I happen to know my way around a kitchen. Now, whenever I burn things seventy percent of the time it’s because I mean to do it.”

Iruka lips twitched in a faint grin. “Then thank you, Kakashi-san.”

The jounin waved that away and started opening drawers pulling out pots and pans. 

Iruka took a seat somewhat tentatively at the kotatsu. He had a good deal of papers to look over but it was strange to try and focus on the sheets in front of him with the low-pitched hum of activity coming from the kitchen. It was … domestic. Homey, in a way he hadn’t experienced before. Mizuki had never-

He breathed out sharply, annoyed at his thoughts and decidedly took out his pen, grabbing the first paper from the stack on the table. He didn’t know how much time had elapsed when he jerked in surprise at the teacup that clinked down softly at his elbow. 

“I didn’t mean to interrupt, sensei. Just thought you might like something to drink.”

Iruka glanced down at the innocuous-looking cup then back up, but the jounin had already retreated back into the kitchen. This was … Iruka had no idea what this was. There was definitely something wrong here. Not that Kakashi wasn’t normally a kind and attentive companion. Iruka had come to realize that the inconsiderate, lax troublemaker was one of many masks Kakashi wore, but ... 

“Kakashi -san,” he called after a bit, taking painstaking care to sound nonchalant. He didn’t look up from marking his students’ papers. “Would you like to stay the night?” He made no mention of the last time Kakashi had been in his apartment.

The hand that was stirring the pot on the stove slowed ever-so-slightly. “I wouldn’t want to be an imposition, sensei.”

Iruka rolled his eyes. “Yes, you making me dinner and giving me time to catch up on my grading is such a hardship.”

Kakashi chuckled. “Well, in that case, I can throw in breakfast too.”

“Oh?” Iruka tried not to look too hopeful. “That’s not necessary, Kakashi-san.” 

The jounin grinned. “I insist, sensei.”

It would have been easy to simply let it go at that. Iruka scratched the tip of his nose with the end of his pen. “It must be nice,” he began, then had to take a breath before continuing, “It must be nice to have a little time off from missions.”

“Nice.” There was no particular inflection on the word, but the atmosphere of the room chilled.

Iruka braced himself and finally glanced up.

Kakashi made some rather aggressive chopping motions, though Iruka couldn’t tell what he was savaging, before raising his head. He grinned through the mask, eye curving in pleasure. “Yes, it’s nice.”

Iruka’s lips tightened but he didn’t call the other man on the obvious lie. 

 

Iruka woke grudgingly. He was warm and comfortable and the last thing he wanted was to get up. He sighed and blinked blearily, wincing at the ray of light that stabbed at his eyes and groaned as his loose hair caught under his shoulder and yanked his head back as he shifted. Ouch. He yawned, then choked when he caught sight of Kakashi lounging in the far corner of his bedroom. 

Those dark eyes were focused on him with unnerving intensity. 

“Kakashi-san,” he croaked, not moving. 

It took a minute before the jounin blinked, focusing. “Sorry, sensei. I was only lost in thought.”

“Oh?” Iruka sat up slowly and ran a hand through his hair, smoothing down the disheveled mess. 

Kakashi gave a minute shake of his head and Iruka didn’t push him for more.

He glanced at the closed sliding door. “I didn’t feel you come in.” Not that that was particularly surprising. “What are you doing in here?” He was careful to keep his tone even. 

Kakashi had most definitely not been in his room last night. Iruka had set out his spare futon in the living room next to the kotatsu and they’d said a somewhat stilted, awkward goodnight before Iruka had retreated to his bedroom. He didn’t glance at the now empty space next to his bed where he’d deposited his kunai last night.

“I won’t hurt you,” Kakashi said, instead of answering.

Yeah, that wasn’t as comforting as Kakashi had probably intended. Iruka hadn’t been thinking he would, but now that the other man brought it up … but no, that wasn’t fair. He knew Kakashi would never hurt him. At least, not on purpose, not of his own volition.

As though hearing his thoughts, the other man said, “They’re not in my head anymore.”

No need to ask who. “Right. That’s good.” Even a non-expert on genjutsu like him could tell that wasn’t exactly true. Definitely not the time to address that though. He cleared his throat. “So you came into my room.”

Kakashi’s head tilted, considering. “I needed to remind myself.”

Iruka bent his legs towards his chest, arms over his knees. “Remind yourself of what?”

The jounin’s lips twitched, though Iruka didn’t think it was meant to be a grin.

“Hey,” he said, shifting onto his knees. “You came back.” Few shinobi managed it when faced with what Kakashi had wrestled. Iruka still didn’t know the full extent of what that had been, but based on what he’d been able to piece together … 

As Kakashi himself had said, there had been ANBU stationed around the jounin’s apartment building for a reason. It actually spoke to how trusted Kakashi and his abilities were that he was allowed to wander Konoha unguarded. Hell, it was a miracle he wasn’t manacled and drugged in a sealed off room somewhere. 

He extended a hand cautiously but Kakashi didn’t so much as blink. Iruka’s fingers whispered over the jounin’s wrist. Another shinobi in his shoes - or rather, yukata - might have made a break for it. Iruka stayed where he was. It was probably why he still had a reputation for being impulsive, even rash or reckless at times. “Did you sleep at all?”

“Some.” Kakashi glanced around the tiny room, as though only then realizing where he was, eyes narrowed in sudden understanding. “Ah.” He scratched the back of his head ruefully. “I violated your privacy. I apologize, sensei. That is unacceptable.”

Well, yeah. Though he didn’t actually mind. In fact, it was a bit concerning how unconcerned Iruka was about it, but that would have to wait. He hadn’t imagined that darkness in the jounin’s eyes when he’d woken up. Besides, no harm done really. “Come on,” he said shoving his covers aside and standing. Maybe he couldn’t help Kakashi with the genjutsu, but he could give the jounin a bit of normality to serve as an anchor. “I have time before I need to leave for the academy. How about that breakfast?” 

This time it was a genuine grin that stretched Kakashi’s lips, the darkness momentarily abated. 

 

Iruka hesitated at the double doors. He should turn back, should keep his mouth shut. How many times could his life have been simplified if he’d followed his own advice? But he couldn’t. Especially not when it came to the people he cared about.

The ANBU leaning against the far wall appeared to be looking away, but Iruka was acutely aware that he was being scrutinized. 

“Iruka, are you going to spend all day staring at my door?”

He sighed, surrendering to the inevitable scolding and pushed the heavy wood doors open. The Hokage appeared to be nodding off at his desk. “Good afternoon, Hokage-sama,” he greeted politely. 

The Sandaime stretched and yawned. “Are we changing the day of our shogi matches?”

“No.” Iruka swallowed. “Hokage-sama-”

He paused when the Sandaime held up a hand. The old man took out his wooden pipe and the small mesh pouch he carried in his robe and began stuffing his pipe, then without glancing up said, “I need the room.”

The door behind Iruka opened and closed and he barely kept from jumping. He hadn’t seen anyone else. Then again he supposed that was the point.

“You may speak freely now, Iruka.”

He cleared his throat. “It’s about,” he paused, tongue turning leaden in his mouth with doubt. Was he sure - truly sure - that he was doing the right thing? This was a gross invasion of the jounin’s privacy and he doubted Kakashi would appreciate it. Iruka certainly wouldn’t have.

The Sandaime observed him, uncaring to fill in the silence, taking his time in lighting his pipe. 

Iruka took a discreet breath. No, he wasn’t sure, but he couldn’t do nothing. “I need to speak with you about Hatake Kakashi,” he said, voice more firm than he could have hoped. 

The Third puffed away at his pipe, unhurriedly and unconcerned. Iruka almost repeated himself but the Hokage held up a hand, forestalling. “I heard you.” He squinted at the chuunin thoughtfully. “Why are you interfering in matters that concern a jounin, Iruka?”

He heard the rebuke and hung his head, but still, he couldn’t keep quiet. “Hokage-sama, why hasn’t Hatake-san received any missions?” He was fully conscious of the impertinence of not having answered the Hokage’s question.

“Does the Copy-nin know you’re here?” The old man returned sharply. 

Iruka had to pause to control the leap of his pulse. “No, Hokage-sama,” he murmured quietly, ashamed.

The Sandaime took a slow, careful puff and exhaled. “Yet here you are. What exactly are you hoping to achieve, Iruka?”

“Hokage-sama,” Iruka bowed deeply, heart clenching. “Please. He needs a mission.” He didn’t look up to see the sure disapproval on the Sandaime’s face. “He was fine. He dragged himself back from that pit, but now …. It’s not the genjutsu that’s hurting him, it’s your lack of faith! You’re making him doubt himself.”

There was quiet from the old man and Iruka tried not to cringe at what the Hokage must think of him. There was a long exhale. “Kakashi has not been given missions because he’s still being monitored for any adverse effects of being under the enemy’s genjutsu for such an extended period of time.”

Iruka waited.

“If I were to give Kakashi a mission now I would need to risk another jounin in case he lost control. Keeping him in the village is the best option for now. Though frankly, I’m not sure even we could subdue him without killing him.”

Iruka suppressed a flinch. 

“You understand my dilemma.”

“Hokage-sama, I understand the need for precaution, but …” he got the feeling that Kakashi wouldn’t want him talking about this so he only said, “He’s not a risk. He proved that already.”

“Ah, yes.” The Hokage puffed at his pipe thoughtfully. “You think you’ve managed to reach him because of your … bond.”

Iruka told himself he was too old to stammer and fidget like the awkward kid he had once been. “We’re friends, Hokage-sama.”

“And yet, none of his other friends managed to do what you did.”

Iruka looked away. The Hokage seemed to be hinting that there was more between Kakashi and himself than there actually was. With the exception of that single, lovely, lonely kiss, Kakashi had been scrupulously proper and reserved. He hadn’t brought up the kiss again and he didn’t tease Iruka like he used to. “None of them tried,” he said finally, bitingly, surprised to hear the underscore of anger. 

The Sandaime raised an unimpressed eyebrow. “You’ve been spending quite a bit of time with him,” was all the Hokage said.

Iruka twitched. “I suppose?” Certainly, more than he ever had before. Kakashi had been staying over at his apartment rather regularly. Iruka hated the thought that the jounin did it only out of fear that others were right. That he could still snap because of whatever insidious, noisome tendrils of chakra resided within him since the attack. It left him breathless sometimes, the amount of trust it took for Kakashi to seek refuge with him, to trust that Iruka could haul him back again from that tenebrosity. 

“And in your expert opinion,” the Sandaime drawled, tone sardonic, “you believe that Kakashi is not a risk to himself or his allies?”

Iruka met that sardonic gaze unflinching and said, precise and measured, “The only danger Kakashi poses is to the enemies of Konoha.”

The Hokage’s lips twitched in amusement.

“Hokage-sama-”

“Enough, Iruka,” the Sandaime cut in pointedly. “I’ll see you for our shogi match next week.”

Iruka stiffened at the dismissal, wanting to argue, but the Hokage’s scowl deterred any objections. He swallowed his recriminations and bowed stiffly.

 

“Iruka-san.” The unnaturally somber timbre of that voice stopped him in his tracks. 

“Gai-san.” Iruka’s lips didn’t finish forming his automatic smile. “What’s wrong?” he demanded, uncaring of the impropriety of addressing a higher-ranked shinobi in such a way. 

“Nothing,” Gai was quick to assure. “I only thought I would drop in-”

“Drop the act. What’s wrong?” He was going to get into serious trouble one of these days for insubordination. And that’s when it clicked. The Third had made his choice. “Kakashi-san has a mission.”

Gai sighed and scratched at the back of his head ruefully. “You’re very perceptive, you know. It’s actually a little frightening.” He grinned lopsidedly and held up his hands before Iruka could barrage him with questions. “He’s fine. He’s not hurt in any way shape or form.” He took a breath. “And, yes, he has a mission.”

Iruka nodded a little numbly. This was it. This would decide Kakashi’s fate. Maybe not forever, but certainly for the foreseeable future. If he managed to maintain focus and achieve his mission, he would be reinstated. But if he had another episode …

“You’ll be with him?”

Gai nodded shortly.

“Don’t-” He stopped himself. _Don’t hurt him. Don’t let him fail. Don’t let him hurt you, he would never forgive himself_. He couldn’t say those things. Even if they were possible.

Gai plucked one of the books from his arms, seemingly fascinated by the cover. Very enrapturing that, what with all the dull, monochromatic color. “My job is to assess his performance.”

Iruka swallowed with difficulty. “And to stop him if anything goes wrong.”

“And to stop him,” Gai agreed grimly. “Going up against Sharingan Kakashi, Master of a Thousand Jutsu and famed genius Copy-nin. That’ll go well for us both.”

“I’m sorry,” Iruka managed hoarsely, past the lump that had developed in his throat. God, what if he was wrong? What is this was the worst thing he could have done for Kakashi?

“Sorry?” Gai’s gaze sharpened. “I see.” He sat heavily on the nearby bench. “Well, whatever you did, I can’t say you were wrong. He needs to know. We’re old soldiers he and I. Wouldn’t know what to do with ourselves at this point without that title.”

“You can be more. He can be more,” Iruka refuted sharply. He exhaled tiredly. “But I agree that he needs to know. The doubt is wearing at his defenses.”

Gai’s heavy, assessing gaze fell on him. 

Iruka was hard-pressed not to twitch.

“That night …” Gai clenched his hands, opened them, then closed them again. “I let you get close to him. I let you endanger yourself on the off chance you could keep him from hurtling himself headlong off a metaphorical cliff.”

“You didn’t _let_ me do anything,” Iruka countered fiercely. “I would have done my damnedest to get to him with or without your approval.”

Gai’s head dropped back and he laughed softly. “And that’s precisely why Asuma and I wanted you there. But it was still underhanded of us. We were nearby, we wouldn’t have let you be killed, but you could have been hurt. Seriously hurt. Kakashi was pretty upset with us.” He said it mildly but his lips turned down unhappily.

“I’m grateful you did. I wanted to be there.”

“Why?” Gai asked simply, spreading his hands. “He didn’t ask for you. That’s not how Kakashi operates. He’ll never ask for you. ”

Iruka felt like he’d been sucker-punched. One acute, clean hit to his solar plexus that left him without air. Against his will, he heard Genma’s voice whispering: _what you need, Iruka, he won’t be able to give you._ He took a deep breath. “He won’t ever need to.” He glanced over and saw the smile on Gai’s lips. “Just like he didn’t need to ask for you. You volunteered to go, didn’t you?”

Gai laughed loudly, genuinely, startling a flock of birds nesting in the tree overhead and stood, gripping Iruka’s shoulder in solidarity. “Too perceptive by far. I’ll see you on the flip side, Iruka-kun.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance for this chapter :O  
> Also, this is going to be four parts now ... yay? lol
> 
> I wasn't expecting to update this again so soon, but here you are! You inspired me! Thank you for the comments!!!!!

“Gai,” Kakashi called, breaking the three-hour silence. They’d been moving swiftly since they’d left Konoha six days ago, hardly taking time to rest or eat. “We’re a full week ahead of schedule, I think it’s safe to make camp for the night.”

Gai slowed and finally stopped, clearly reluctant. He glanced back at Kakashi, then took in their surroundings. 

It was a decent place to make camp. The small clearing provided overhead cover in the form of a tightly interwoven canopy, the ground was relatively soft with plenty of cushion-like emerald moss, and there was a creek that ran parallel to their location. Plenty of inky shadows too, undisturbed by the bright streaks of moonlight that broke the quiet, encroaching darkness around them. It was downright homey. 

“We’re making excellent time, my friend,” Gai responded slowly, studying him guardedly. “It would be best to keep the pace.”

Kakashi removed his pack deliberately, doing his best to tamp down his anger. It was unwarranted. Gai was right to be cautious, so he took a discreet breath and kept his voice even. “If we camp here tonight, we’ll still make Konoha by tomorrow night if we move fast.”

Gai glanced away and the uneasy pit in Kakashi’s stomach grew. “I would like to reach Konoha quickly.”

“Week ahead of schedule,” Kakashi reminded the other man mildly. 

There was no need to rush, they’d been given fourteen days to complete what amounted to a kiddie mission. Any first-year genin could have taken it. Kakashi would have been insulted at the assignment if he hadn’t been too busy being crushingly relieved. He and Gai had already retrieved the scrolls of the renewed trade agreement from Yugakure and all that remained was delivering them to Kohona. They’d make the village in another day. A full seven days ahead of schedule thanks to Gai’s fairly brutal pace. An unnecessary, and even ill-advised, brutal pace because if they were to run into trouble their fatigue would immediately set them at a disadvantage.

Gai finally sighed and set his own pack down, crouching to rifle through its contents in the dimming light and unearthing several ration bars. He tossed one to Kakashi before unwrapping another and taking a generous bite. 

Kakashi passed the ration bar from hand to hand, not opening it, not looking at Gai. “Any particular reason you’re pushing us so hard to reach the village?”

He saw Gai pause in the act of taking another bite. “Yes,” he answered lightly, “I want us to set a new record for making a round trip to Yugakure.”

“No one actually records those things, you know.”

“I do,” Gai replied, haughty. 

Kakashi rolled his eyes. “I’m not surprised.” He opened his bar, thinking. But it didn’t require much thought to figure out what was going on. He couldn’t blame Gai for being precautious, and he shouldn’t mention it. It would only further disquiet a friendship that already felt like it was on tenterhooks. “You don’t need to rush because you’re concerned I’ll snap before we reach Konoha,” he said, tone cold despite his best intentions. 

Gai froze with the bar halfway to his mouth. He stared at Kakashi in disbelief, then stood in a swift, sharp motion that made Kakashi tense against his will. He saw Gai register that too, saw his expression tighten. “I’m not pushing us because I think you’ll snap,” he said, enunciating clearly, also trying to keep them from diving off a dangerous edge. “I’m pushing us because I know you won’t snap, and I want you to get reinstated as quickly as possible. I owe you that.”

Kakashi didn’t look away. He knew Gai, probably better than anyone else. “You’re not being honest.” He was surprised by how much that hurt. “You shouldn’t lie to someone who knows all your tells.”

Gai stared at him, gaze wintry before snorting and turning away. “Idiot.” He grabbed his canteen, then held out a hand for Kakashi’s. 

After a moment, Kakashi dug his out and tossed it to the other jounin.

Gai turned his back, staring at the glimpses of evening sky overhead through the foliage, not moving. “You’re fortunate enough to have someone who is waiting for you,” he finally said quietly, “who wants you back as soon as possible, so I’m going to get you back as soon as possible. I owe _him_ that.” 

Gai left without another word and Kakashi didn’t call him back.

 

He wasn’t particularly concerned when Gai wasn’t back after twenty minutes. He wasn’t quite ready to face his friend again. But thirty minutes later he frowned as a subtle, unfamiliar scent reached him. He couldn't quite place it, but it was definitely manmade. And the person carrying that manmade scent had managed to get within at least several yards of their location without either he or Gai sensing them. He moved then, swiftly, quietly repacking, noiselessly slipping a kunai free of its pouch and disappearing into the deep shadows. He made no attempt to conceal the evidence of their presence. If there were shinobi out there, he wanted them drawn here. He pulled some wire string to serve as tripwire and wrapped it low around the trees surrounding the small clearing and attached it to exploding seals with a dead sparker then added a secondary tripwire masked in the fallen leaves with the true trigger. There was no time to make it sophisticated. Whoever else was in these woods, they were taking every precaution to hide their presence. That didn’t bode well.

As soon as he finished he made his way stealthily in the direction of the creek, straining his ears for any sound. There was none, the trees around him seemingly holding their breath, the whisper of the wind dying down to nothing. He was within fifteen feet of what should have been Gai’s location but there was no sign of the other man. Not good. Hopefully, Gai had spotted their new friends and had made himself scarce, but that wasn’t like him. Kakashi didn’t let himself think about what that could mean. Gai was alive. He had to be. 

The happy babble of the nearby brook nearly concealed the faint sound of a branch snapping. Kakashi stopped.

Sloppy footwork or purposefully trying to draw him somewhere? He pinpointed the sound to about nine meters just southwest of his location. It would be stupid to be drawn into a trap, but Gai hadn’t left any of their usual signals, not a warning nor any indication that he was secure. Which could only mean that he wasn’t. That only left one option.

Soundlessly, he summoned several shadow clones and sent them in linear formation to advance toward the creek to scout for traps and shinobi. He was grimly surprised when only fifteen minutes later one clone was destroyed. 

His breath stopped, frozen for a second when he received that shadow clone’s information. 

Genjutsu.

It had been incapacitated using genjutsu, then killed. He began to spiral, his mind throwing him back to those eternal moments of torture at the hands of those genjutsu-users and the world faded away around him. He could taste the metallic warmth of his blood as it spilled into his mouth, could feel the knives twisting in his gut. He began panting, heartbeat drumming out of control-

The snap of another shadow clone killed was enough to break the flashback. Not genjutsu this time, it had been two shinobi, missing-nin to be specific, and they’d executed the clone. All right, so there were at least two, and they were powerful.

Kakashi focused on counting his heartbeats, bringing his breathing back under control, slowly becoming aware of his surroundings and his body again. He’d fallen to his knees and his hands were clenched in the dirt, rocks digging into his palms, shaking. He made himself let go and grabbed at his mask, yanking it down just in time to vomit into the grass. He had to move. Fast. He been here too long already. He stood, ignoring that he had to reach out to steady himself on the nearest tree and mentally shoved everything back, all the memories, the pain, the crushing, unbearable guilt, shoved it all down because he couldn’t let it matter. Now the only thing that mattered was getting to Gai. He wasn’t letting anyone else get killed on his watch. 

 

It didn’t take long to find Gai and he knew it could only be because they were using the other jounin as bait.

Gai was sitting alone on the other side of the stream, hands lax at his sides. It would have been a peaceful scene if not for the jounin’s straining muscles, extensively bleeding head wound, and open, unseeing eyes. His attackers must have been lying in wait, anticipating their path, drawing ahead of them to set this trap. 

His shadow clones spread out in the area, keeping careful watch as Kakashi picked his meticulous way toward Gai. 

He approached his friend, walking a circle around him to check for traps. “Gai,” he called softly, drawing near. He gripped the man’s shoulder with what had to be a painful force. Gai made no indication he felt anything. “It’s not real, Gai,” he gritted, “focus.”

But Gai’s gaze was blank, a frozen stare. He wouldn’t be any help, he was too busy fighting a war in his head. A war he couldn’t win, not against genjutsu. He could still be pulled out but, as a strictly taijutsu user, he lacked any defenses against genjutsu. They were shredding his mind. 

Time was set against him. He had to snap Gai out of it before they broke him and there was nothing left of him but a drooling mess. And the quickest way to do that was to kill the shinobi. This called for a patented Naruto plan. 

It was time to do something really stupid.

“Hey!” he called cheerfully, releasing his bunshin, clenched hands shoved in his pockets. His voice rustled through the trees, dismaying the silence. “No need to be shy now, I’m right where you want me.” 

He lifted the hitae-ate, and did not let himself think about the last time he had gone up against a group of powerful genjutsu-users. He glanced at Gai whose muscles were taut, expression twisted in pain, mouth open in an entirely noiseless scream. It would have been unnerving to a less experienced shinobi. Kakashi dismissed it. Worrying about Gai wouldn’t save him. He needed to act. 

It was a short wait. He sensed them before he saw them, likely they’d been keeping tabs on him already. Three, approaching very cautiously, surrounding him, watching for snares, but not closing in. _Haven’t lost my touch_ , he thought, amused, crazed. The missing-nin were keeping a prudent distance. But they didn’t need to be close to use their genjutsu, and just as the thought formed he was thrown back into that world of illusion where the only real thing that existed was pain. This was going to hurt. 

They left nothing to chance. All three shinobi attacked his mind. All of them focusing their genjutsu abilities on him, focusing their power. And they were powerful. Very. Their combined abilities tore through his shields like they were rice paper.

The world faded around him very suddenly and he could no longer see the woods. There was no sound of a creek here, though the darkness remained, lightened by a sickly yellow color emanating from beneath the metal table to which he was strapped. “Bit trite,” he judged, trying to ignore the hammering of his heart. “Lacks imagination.”

“I assure you, it is effective,” said the masked missing-nin materializing at Kakashi’s right. “I promise, you won’t be bored.”

Kakashi activated the Sharingan and the man, along with his restraints, vanished, but he hadn’t managed to pull out of the illusion entirely.

“Hold him!” he heard snarled from nearby and pain exploded from his ribs. Fractured if he was lucky, broken if he wasn’t.

This time, two of them appeared. The masked one and the one who carried short blades, faces set and still. Not ones to panic easily. Not ones to get shaken up. Kakashi would just have to work harder.

He triggered the Mangekyo Sharingan, not giving them time to react and sacrificed too much chakra to pull the two missing-nin in where he could gain control of the illusion. He shattered it like glass all around them, sending deadly honed slivers flying toward the men who tried to protect themselves too late. They were shredded to ribbons, screaming even as the illusion broke apart. It took too much chakra to sustain it, to bend two minds, two realities simultaneously, and he was forced to let go. 

He was panting, back against the rough bark of a tree when he came back to himself. The two missing-nin were scrambling, dazed, the third was facing him now and Kakashi saw the man release Gai from the genjutsu, his friend slumping forward with a hoarse cry, and turn to the Copy-nin, immediately thrusting him back into the cage of false reality.  


The world around him was different this time, all austere steel slabs. The three missing-nin were standing in front of him.

All three. This was what he’d wanted. All their attention and power focused on him. I have them, he thought, though he could hardly take the time to celebrate.

Genjutsu was such an artistic form of torture he reflected as glowing irons appeared in the air around him and drew closer. He couldn’t help but try to brace, even knowing it was useless. His body jerked violently and his screams echoed around the room as red-hot irons branded his skin, so hot the flesh melted and sizzled under the iron where it was applied to the vulnerable skin of his bared belly. He didn’t try to fight it when he lost consciousness. 

 

He didn’t know how long he’d been out, surely not long. Their genjutsu could awaken his mind, keep him from the rejuvenating peace of unconsciousness. How long had he been trapped? Not long, but time was immaterial here. Seconds were an eternity and he did not possess an eternity worth of chakra. The strain to the Sharingan was already making his head pulse in sickly beats, but he couldn’t release it. Not yet. 

He raised his head, realizing he wasn’t in the same position anymore. He was tied, upright, arm muscles pulled tight overhead, but that ache was dull when compared to the burning of his belly. He gagged at the stench though when he glanced down the flesh of his belly was clear, unmarred. The wound was long gone. How considerate of them, to let his own mind supply the agony. 

The Sharingan whirled, blood seeping from the eye like tears, and he had no doubt that blood was real. He’d kept it continually activated for too long. His chakra was nearing critically low levels, but he needed the Sharingan, it was the only thing that was keeping him sane.

“You’re back with us.”

“So, I’m not trying to tell you how to do your job,” he murmured hoarsely, “but generally there are questions at this stage. Not that torture for its own sake isn’t fun too,” he added before his mouth erupted in flames making his tongue bubble. 

_Wonderful_ , he thought grimly as he faded again, _a pyromaniac _.__

____

 

When he emerged from the darkness, the illusion around him felt faded, less distinct. He’d been right, he thought disjointedly, his previous exposure to genjutsu had given him a new edge. He wasn’t completely entangled in the illusion.

Maybe the missing-nin could sense that because they tried skewering the next go-round, but this pain felt even more distant. 

Still, he put on a good show of being in excruciating agony. But it wasn’t for show when he screamed as they set fire to his hand next, the flesh scorched and curled, popping as though bathed in flammable liquid, and he heaved at the smell. It didn’t matter that he told himself it wasn’t real. It felt real. He couldn’t stop screaming, the pain was close to the worst he’d ever known, but he had to keep his head. Pain didn’t matter. He had to get control of his mind. The agony behind his eye was piercing now, mind-numbing, but he forced himself to use the Sharingan yet again and for a second he broke through the illusion and he could feel grass beneath him. And then he saw his hand. He panted and tried to focus on not vomiting again. Oh. He looked away from the mangled remains of the limb. _Guess that part wasn’t an illusion_ , he thought, before he was tossed back into that world of torture in time to feel himself be stabbed in the eye, right through the Sharingan, and he wondered if that was an illusion or if they’d actually skewered him and the Sharingan was now lost. He couldn’t move, he was trapped by steel bands and held immobile. He gave a low moan of pain, throat raw from screaming and tried again to activate the Sharingan, but there was nothing. Maybe they really had carved it out of him.

But no, he could still see some of what was happening outside the illusion, could feel some control of his body, though it would be impossible to use hand seals in his current state. But this was good, he was managing to dampen the pain enough to think. 

He felt one of the shinobi draw near. “I thought he’d be more of a challenge. Pathetic.”

“Why are we wasting time? Let’s kill him.”

“Kill him?” another asked in disbelief. “Kill Sharingan Kakashi when we’ve managed to capture him?” The man crouched and slipped a kunai from its holster. 

Kakashi tensed, muscles at the ready, but he wasn’t too sure how much he could do. He was having trouble concentrating past the echo of searing pain. 

It didn’t matter, he was going to kill them. He would kill every last one of them. But he needed them to make a mistake. 

And they did. Because they underestimated Gai.

They’d been so busy focused on him they’d all but forgotten about the taijutsu master. 

There were faint popping sounds on the edge of his awareness, past the reality of neverending torment. Something was pulling at his mind. He tried to gather his focus, his strength, but another powerful wave of chakra bore him onto a bed of blades that sawed into his flesh and he found he could scream again, but a second later he was back in the woods and it took him a vital second to recognize this was truth, this was reality and Gai had thrown their captors’ rhythm enough that the genjutsu was broken again. He’d set off several exploding seals, and it looked like he’d opened seven gates to break the genjutsu. But Gai wasn’t moving now, he was frozen, muscles tense, expression wracked with pain yet again and Kakashi saw the third genjutsu-user straining and swearing as he tried to bend Gai’s powerful mind to his will. Kakashi shoved to his feet. There wasn’t much time, he needed to-

He freed one of the shuriken he’d hidden on himself, ripping it free from under his taped bandages, hands moving too slowly, painfully to form the seals for a displacement jutsu just in time for the log that took his place to be slashed in two. In a second he was behind the taller missing-nin, not giving him time to react and gracelessly jammed the shuriken into his throat, slashing upwards to cut the jugular. He leapt back before he could finish the cut to avoid having his kidney carved out by a tantō as the air displaced behind him and the masked missing-nin thrust the blade into the empty space where he’d been standing.

He panted, left hand going to the wound at his side. Damn. The short sword had managed to clip him. A fairly shallow cut, but it was bleeding rather extensively and blood loss was one thing he could not afford, nor was there time to slap even a rudimentary dressing on it.

Unimportant. The shinobi whose throat he’d nearly cut had, unfortunately, managed to dodge the worst of the damage and his throat remained disappointingly unsevered. But he was definitely angry now, they all were. He’d managed to get all the missing-nin’s attention again, which meant- 

Gai was on the ground, gasping, freed of the genjutsu. Good. The missing-nin were scrambling, chaotic, unsure where to focus but they stood several feet apart, facing him, understanding that he was their biggest concern at the moment. 

He saw Gai raise his head behind them, but the other man was in no condition to fight, he was shaking, body wracked with phantom pain, mind still trapped in that haze of agony. The missing-nin were being much more cautious now, assessing him, biding their time. He was weakening and they knew it. They could afford to wait him out. He couldn’t. Gai heaved, coughing in the background, spitting out blood on the dirt and shakily managed to gain his feet. 

_Run_ , he mouthed, hoping Gai would understand. _Please_ , he thought, _run._

He saw Gai hesitate, but a second later realization dawned and he gave an imperceptible nod and Kakashi saw him vanish into the undergrowth with reassuring swiftness.

The missing-nin pinned him with genjutsu again and he wasn’t strong enough to withstand their combined force, but he knew he wouldn’t have to for long.

 

He was still aware enough of the world outside that he caught the words … _sure you have him this time? You got careless. I need to go after the other one. He’ll be easy. No genjutsu ability at all, unlike this one. I’ll be enough._

They were separating. Perfect.

“.... no. Wada is mistaken. We need to kill him. It’s too much of a risk to keep him alive.”

The words filtered through his subconscious. He was running out time, but he was almost there. He nearly had it. 

There was no response from the other missing-nin, but Kakashi knew his fate was decided. They wouldn’t give him another chance to attack. It had to be now. He continued to feed his dwindling chakra into the chink in their genjutsu, focused, like he was summoning a chidori, creating one in his mind to cut through their combined abilities. The intense blue crackling of pure energy materialized in his mind and he saw them flounder too late, attempt to draw back, but he lunged and slashed through the walls and the genjutsu was gone. He was back in the woods, chidori humming, pulsing awkwardly in his left hand and he leapt and drove that deadly power directly into the center of the chest of the closest missing-nin. He didn’t spare the man another thought and with the same momentum turned and in one motion pulled and tossed three shuriken that embedded themselves into the tree where the second missing-nin had stood. He dodged just as a sword slashed through the bark of wood he summoned to displace him. 

The man made several seals and Kakashi felt the pull at his mind, but one lone genjutsu-user was no match for him, not now that he was inoculated against their brand of illusion. One was not enough to overpower him or fool his Sharingan. He activated the Mangekyou again, sparing a moment of relief he hadn’t lost it, and he saw the moment the other man realized he was losing control of his illusion, it was being overtaken. He panicked and leaped away from the wires that Kakashi launched at him and screamed as one wrapped around his leg and severed the limb from mid-thigh down, a river of blood spraying high and wide and bathing them both.

“Noooo! No no no no no no no.”

Kakashi stared at the writhing, babbling man coldly before releasing the illusion, but still the missing-nin sat there holding his intact leg, shock and fear paralyzing him. He was dead anyway. The severed leg may have been an illusion, but the chakra blade Kakashi had driven into his gut during the illusion was a very real wound. And fatal. 

Finally, the man looked up, eyes wide and gray in his colorless face. It didn’t look like he was seeing Kakashi, but he was muttering, the sounds getting louder and louder until the man was yelling, screaming, thrashing in his impotent fury. “This will never be over! You will never be at peace!” The man spat, blood choking him. “We will always come for you. We’ll destroy everything and everyone you-”

Kakashi knelt and coolly, ruthlessly drove his blade home, finishing the other man, neat and efficient. There was no time to waste. Two down, one to go. “Gai!” he yelled, wiping off his blade. He waited, deathly silent, but there was no reply and he didn’t have much hope for one anyway. The other men could be miles from here. “Goddamnit.” He quickly tore open his scroll compartment and summoned his ninken. “Find Gai,” he ordered, short of breath. Blood was running into his eyes and he wiped a shaking arm across them so he could see the gory pulp that was his right hand. He stared grimly. The hand would be no further use. He wasn’t sure it would ever be functional again. One thing at a time. He unstrapped his thigh awkwardly using his left hand and bandaged the mess that was his right, sweating and gritting his teeth through the lightning strikes of agony that ignited his nerves. 

The blood loss and pain - more pain - were starting to blur his vision. He quickly tied off the end of the bandage, biting back a curse at how quickly blood soaked through the white straps. It would be very difficult to hide a trail of blood in his condition. He’d have to hope that the three shinobi did not have any more friends.

 

“Boss, I found him.” 

It didn’t bode well that even Pakkun could get the drop on him. Kakashi didn’t try to speak, his throat was too raw, he simply indicated for Pakkun to lead the way, and ignored the mutt’s worried glance.

He was hovering at the edge of unconsciousness, moving a lot more slowly than he wanted, muscles stiff and uncooperating. His body jerked suddenly, inadvertently, at the expectation of pain, and he had to stop to get his bearings once again.

“Kakashi.” Pakkun sounded grim. Hell, the mutt sounded scared. 

“Fine,” he grunted, though his vision went dark for a moment. “Lead on.”

 

It took him too long to get to Gai. By the time he reached the other man, he was stumbling, tripping over rocks and tree roots. Infection may have set in on his hand, he was feverish and sweating and lightheaded with blood loss, despite the quick-fix dressing he’d applied. 

There. He nearly tripped over the third missing-nin on his way to Gai. The man was very dead. There was no faking that, his head was missing. 

“Gai,” he tried to call, but his throat was too raw, tongue too swollen, and he only managed a distorted croak. 

The jounin looked like he’d been leaning back against a tree, but he was slumped over now lying on the grass. Kakashi thought he was unconscious at first, but Gai’s eyes blinked open and he grinned faintly when he saw Kakashi.

“Knew you could do it,” he grunted before a coughing fit seized him. He turned his head and spat blood onto the grass and Kakashi saw what he had missed. Gai was wounded. Mortally.

He ripped the pack from the dead shinobi and kneeled at Gai’s side, expression carefully blank. “This needs to be treated.”

Gai laughed. “There’s no need for masks between us, my friend. This kind of injury …”

Kakashi looked it over with cold, calculating eyes, then turned to rifle through the pack, gracelessly throwing the supplies he would need onto a small pile.

“Don’t even think about it,” Gai groaned, “I’d like to die in peace.”

Kakashi ignored him and located a regenerative spray with relief. It might just be enough. Though it would be painful as hell. A medi-nin would be able to save Gai, but they were short on those at the moment, but maybe … just maybe he could keep Gai alive long enough for one to reach him.

“Kakashi.”

“I heard you.” It took his shaking, bloody hands eight tries to thread a needle, reinforcing it with chakra and turning grimly toward Gai. “This might sting.”

Gai laughed, then choked, paling to a worrying degree as Kakashi pulled at the edges of the severed flesh that ran diagonally from hip to just under his rib cage and started stitching. It was a deep slash that had nearly relieved the man of his guts. Kakashi forced his unsteady fingers to work more quickly, trying not to see the pool of blood beneath and around Gai. Despite his best efforts, the pace was slow-going using mainly his left hand. The stitches were sloppy, the job sub-par, but finesse was the last thing they had time for. Kakashi was fading again.

He sat back and grabbed the sealing spray, muttering a quick ‘sorry about this,’ before shoving the spray nozzle right onto the wound and squeezing the trigger. He shoved his forearm over Gai’s mouth in case the other man screamed, but Gai shook and jerked all without making a sound before his body went completely lax, eyes rolling to the back of his head.  


Kakashi didn’t pause. He tore open a bandage with his teeth and set to work on covering the exposed skin with a watertight dressing. It was better if Gai would remain unconscious for the next part.

But Gai was his usual stubborn, uncooperative self and groaned, blinking his eyes open just two minutes later.

Kakashi sighed. “Need to move you,” he said, not taking the time to explain. There was no time, he’d passed the end of his rope a while ago and the only thing that was keeping him on his feet were fumes but those were nearly at an end too. He hooked his arm through Gai’s and dragged the man away from the dead shinobi’s body. He couldn’t lift him, could barely stay on his feet, but Gai didn’t complain. “Just a bit farther,” he said. There was a tiny hollow, like a cave, only a few meters ahead. It would be the safest place for Gai until help arrived. He just needed to hang on. 

The jarring must have been painful in the extreme but Gai was silent, teeth gritted as he tried to use his legs to push himself along, though one leg was dragging. Broken, Kakashi deduced grimly. As if they needed more bad news. 

“Home sweet home,” Gai muttered, amused. He hauled himself into the hollow using his elbows, sweating profusely.

Kakashi snorted. “Pakkun,” he called and the mutt was at his side instantly, trailed by Uhei. “You’re staying with him, stay alert.”

Pakkun stared at him, unhappy, but followed his orders without a word.

Gai tried to fight him when he realized Kakashi had no intention of taking refuge with him, but he quieted when Kakashi told the Green Beast in no uncertain terms that he was leaving to get help and Gai would only slow him down.

It spoke to Gai’s state of mind that he actually believed Kakashi was in any shape to move.

He covered their tracks as best he was able, set a few crass traps to secure Gai’s location and dragged himself over to the clearing that led to the hollow. He wouldn’t be much of a deterrent, but if anyone headed their way, they’d have to get past him first. He was setting triggers around the clearing when the last of the adrenaline that had been driving him bled out of his system. He fell to his knees, automatically putting out a hand to break his fall. His right hand. The moment that torn and bleeding flesh made contact with the ground the pain blackened his vision and he knew no more.

_I’m sorry. I tried, Iruka._

 

_“… where did you go?”_

_Kakashi blinked open strangely heavy eyelids and saw Iruka smiling down at him a little wryly. “What?”_

_“Where did you go? You’re awfully distracted.”_

_“No,” he answered, shaking his head to clear it, “I’m with you. I was just …” He didn’t know. What had he been doing?_

_Iruka frowned and raised a hand to run his fingers through Kakashi’s hair in soothing motions. That was when Kakashi realized he was lying on the ground with his head on Iruka’s lap. He couldn’t remember doing that before, but he definitely would again. As often as Iruka let him, he decided. He sighed happily, letting his body go lax, and Iruka’s lips quirked._

_He tried to raise a hand, wanted to trace the warmth of the smile on the younger man’s face, but his arms wouldn’t move. Either of them. He tried to shift, to sit, but his body was frozen and a spike of pain made him groan. Iruka seemed to shimmer for a second, nearly disappearing entirely before solidifying once again. “Iruka?” He tried to move again but Iruka placed a hand over his heart and shook his head, gaze soft but sorrowful._

_“I’m sorry, Kakashi. You can’t stay here.”_

_Kakashi tried to look around, but even that was difficult. “Where are we?”_

_Iruka shook his head again. “I need you to do something, Kakashi. Please. Promise me.”_

_Even in his confusion, he couldn’t help the swell of pleasure at hearing his name on Iruka’s lips. “What do you need?” There was very little Kakashi wouldn’t do for this man, and wasn’t that a terrifying thought? But there was no terror here, only joy in knowing there was finally something beautiful in his life. Something - someone - precious._

_Iruka leaned down, lips hovering over Kakashi’s, so near that Kakashi strained upwards to meet that kiss. He wanted so badly. Wanted what he’d only had a taste of before. “I need you to live,” Iruka whispered and closed the distance between their lips._

 

Kakashi awoke with jarring suddenness. It was raining. It hadn’t been raining a second ago and … he turned his head, but even as he looked for Iruka his brain was catching up. Iruka wasn’t here. He never had been. 

And then the pain hit.

He panted through the muscle spasms that wracked his body and tried to think. Gai. He’d hidden Gai and … set traps? Had he finished?

Warmth radiated from his left side and he turned his head to see Uhei curled up next to him, alert, whining softly.

Yes, he remembered now. He’d left Pakkun there with Gai and sent Shiba to bring help from the village. Hopefully, they would arrive in time to save Gai. That was all he wanted.

Only now … he raised his left hand and brought his fingers to his lips, remembering the sweetness of a dreamed kiss. He couldn’t let himself die. He had someone to go home to.

 

“Hatake.” The word carried on the wind was barely a whisper, barely a resonance in the air.

Uhei raised his head and sniffed, a low growl emanating from his throat. Kakashi’s eyes snapped open and he lunged, barely managing to tackle Shiranui around the waist sending them both sprawling and making him groan when the impact jarred his ribs. He felt the kunai at his throat but he was in no shape to fend it off and waited for it to sink into his flesh. 

It took his dazed mind a second to realize his jugular remained intact. His relief was short-lived when he took in his new position. At least he’d shoved the other man far enough.  


“Hatake?!” Shirunai leaped to his feet, face grim. He was still holding the kunai but it didn’t look like he was going to be using it. “Fuck.” The other man jammed the weapon back into his holder. “What the hell are you doing?” 

Kakashi took a breath, trying to control the spinning, floating sensation that sent his stomach roiling. 

“I nearly killed you!”

“Traps,” he managed, past clenched teeth. 

Shiranui grunted, understanding, and turned cautiously, looking around him. Kakashi knew the moment the other jounin spotted the first six trigger points. 

He gave a low, admiring whistle. “Nasty stuff,” was the only comment.

Yes. The crude snares were designed to kill in painful, bloody ways.

“Can you stand?”

Shiranui took a step toward him, but Kakashi held up a hand. “There are nine trigger points.” He nodded at the ground to his right, the rock face on the left and the canopy above him. He’d managed to get Shiranui clear, but not himself. 

“Deactivate them.” Shirunai stared at him, suspicious that he hadn’t done so already. 

Kakashi didn’t bother to explain himself instead he raised both hands - Shiranui glanced at the bloody mess of his right - and went through the seals, focusing the remainder of his chakra, releasing five of the traps. It was the best he could do.

“What did you-”

“Gai,” Kakashi grunted. He could feel himself fading again, energy at a dangerous ebb. “Twenty meters northwest of you.” He caught his breath and tried to clench his right hand, wanting to use the pain to focus. It was no use. A white noise began in his head and Shiranui’s form blurred.

“Jounin!”

Kakashi’s head snapped up. He’d faded. Shiranui was crouched, glaring at him, hands clenched into fists. 

“You back with me?”

Kakashi grunted. He licked dry, cracked lips. How long had they been out here? By his estimation, it was nearing twenty-four hours. But he hadn’t managed to stay awake the entire time. “I disarmed the triggers around Gai. Call out _genjutsu sucks_ so Pakkun knows it’s safe.” 

The other shinobi snorted a humorless laugh. 

“Get him out. Get him to a medi-nin.”

Shiranui didn’t move. “I’m taking you back with me too. Disarm the rest of the triggers.” He leaned forward and studied the active trap a foot away from him.

The Copy-nin didn’t move.

“Hatake, disarm them.”

Kakashi sighed. “Let’s stop kidding ourselves, shall we? Even if you could somehow carry us both, you can read my chakra level.”

The other man swore savagely. Yes, he knew. Deactivating the triggers would require more chakra than Kakashi currently possessed. And Shirunai could not get any closer without setting them off, which, given Kakashi’s new position, would ensnare him too. 

“I don’t have time to figure these out,” the young jounin murmured grimly, gaze locked on the trap, mind working quickly through disarming techniques, and quickly dismissing them. Too risky. He could kill the other shinobi.

“No, you don’t.” Kakashi sat back, leaning against the stump of a tree and brought up a knee, keeping his mangled hand out of sight. “Gai is severely injured.”

Shiranui’s expression didn’t flicker though his eyes drifted over Kakashi. “You won’t make it another day if I take off.”

“Gai may not make it another hour if you don’t.”

Shiranui didn’t move.

Kakashi finally snorted and his lips quirked in amusement. “Relax, I have no intention of letting myself die nobly. I have something to lose now.”

Comprehension dawned and the other jounin nodded and turned his back on Kakashi decisively. Kakashi relaxed. “The medic team is a few hours behind me. I’ll take Gai and meet up with them. We’ll need to get him back to the village as soon as possible.”

Kakashi didn’t respond. Words were a luxury he couldn’t spare and there was nothing Shiranui needed to hear anyway. 

He waited, but the other jounin didn’t move. 

“Iruka.” 

Kakashi’s head jerked up.

“It’ll be very inconvenient to have to deliver a death notification to him. He’ll probably get upset and I really hate it when he gets upset. Tends to mope for weeks, you know.”  


Kakashi closed his eyes, ignoring the renewed tightening of his chest at the thought of being the cause of Iruka’s hurt because, for all his talk, he wasn’t sure he could hold on much longer. He turned his face up to the low mist that had settled in the woods to avoid looking at Shiranui.

“So … stay alive, all right? For him.” The man vanished the next instant, the mist devouring all hints of his presence. 

 

“-ei?”

What? Kakashi shook his head to clear it, then wished he hadn’t. The pain at his temples threatened to send his brain leaking out of his ears. He raised his head cautiously and blinked at Naruto and … “Iruka?”

Naruto’s gaze was pained. “No, Sensei.”

Right. He knew that. He’d been dreaming again. He must be more far-gone than he’d imagined, he thought and gave the kid a grin. “Good to see you, Naruto.”

The blond smiled back, though the effort was pretty ghastly. “I’m gonna get you home, sensei, but you have to tell me how your triggers work, okay?” 

Triggers. Right. What had happened with Shirunai?

“He’s on his way back to Konoha with Gai-san,” Naruto said, hearing what the jounin hadn’t verbalized.

“He still alive?” he asked hoarsely.

It wasn’t Naruto who answered.

“We stabilized him. Right now we need to focus on you.”

His vision spun again. “Sakura.”

He saw Pakkun at the edge of the clearing, crawling forward on his belly, nearly concealed by the shadow of the trees. “Stay there!” he snapped, making the mutt freeze in his tracks. “You’ll trigger them, Pakkun,” he continued more calmly before a coughing fit racked him and pain burst through his ribcage. He was almost grateful when he faded again.

 

“... can’t risk it, Naruto!”

“I’ll heal!” Naruto snarled.

“It’s not about you! Kakashi-sensei will get caught in the traps too. You’ll kill him!”

Kakashi raised his head and blinked at his students. Sakura had Naruto shoved face-first into the ground and was practically sitting on him. “Play nice, you two,” he murmured, letting his head fall back.

“Sensei!” They both leaped to their feet.

He tried to take a quick inventory of his body but stopped when he realized he could no longer feel his right arm. Well, on the upside, at least his hand wasn’t hurting anymore. 

“Sensei.” Sakura’s gaze was clear and hard. “I think I have two of your traps figured out, but you need to help us so we can get you out of there without setting the others off.”

“Yeah,” he agreed quietly.

“We’re going to get you home, Sensei,” Naruto vowed and, for the first time since he’d set himself as bait, Kakashi believed he’d make it.


	4. Chapter 4

The drone of white noise accompanied by low, steady beeps alerted him to his location before he’d fully regained consciousness. He kept his eyes closed, taking stock of his situation. He was lying down on a bed, he was out of uniform, and he was in pain. There was a hushed conversation happening over him and he listened, keeping his heartbeat even. It was a force of habit, not giving himself away when he was vulnerable, but he knew those voices. “Hokage-sama.” The weak croak of his voice surprised him. He cleared his throat and a hand was immediately at the back of his neck, a cup being pushed against his lips. He drank the cool water but it was pulled away much too quickly, long before he was satiated.

“Not too much.” 

He opened his eyes at the somber tone and tried to grin as a blonde woman swam into focus, feeling the cloth across his face pull at the motion. They hadn’t removed his mask. Of course not. Medi-nin knew better than to touch shinobi secrets, and Kakashi’s secretiveness was very well-known indeed. The woman had been propping him up and now she eased him back down and he blinked at the all-black ensemble she was wearing. “You planning my funeral?” He stopped grinning as soon as the words were out of his mouth, remembering Gai. 

“No,” the Sandaime said sharply, reading his expression. The Hokage was standing at his shoulder, arms crossed. “No funeral. You and Maito are both … recovering.”

 _Recovering_. Kakashi considered that careful wording. “How is he?”

“Better than you.” The gruff voice belonged to Ibiki who was lounging at the far side of the room, leafing through a stack of papers. 

Morino really knew no mercy if he was staking out hospital rooms to get information. Kakashi sighed. “What do you need to know?”

Those steely eyes narrowed. “I have enough for now. Maito was able to provide me with an account of what happened and we recovered the bodies of the shinobi who attacked you. The ones that had not deteriorated too badly.”

Right, of course. Kakashi knew they must be pumping some serious drugs into him, so some confusion was due, but even so, he couldn’t understand why Ibiki was hanging around if he had no questions. “Great.” 

The man nodded and looked down again, continuing to go through his files.

Kakashi closed his eyes. He simply did not have the energy to try and figure out what was happening. He wondered, through the fog invading his mind, where Iruka was. Wondered if the other man knew what had happened. He must not, Kakashi decided because he didn’t think there was much that would keep Iruka away. He wanted to drift, to sleep, but after several minutes he frowned and opened his eyes, unable to relax.

There was something nagging at him. What was it? He wouldn’t be able to let himself rest until he knew. His gut was telling him there was a problem, and he never ignored that tingling. It had saved his life far too many times. He tried to mentally retrace his steps and found a gaping hole. 

He remembered nearly nothing of the journey back to Konoha. Mostly nothing, he amended and was glad for that kindness because what he did remember was not reassuring. Sakura had burst into tears the few times she had made eye contact with him in the short instances when he’d regained lucidity. 

He continued to poke and prod at his mind, delving into its recesses. 

And then he remembered a nightmare. 

Naruto, blue eyes pained, tearful, holding him down. _Please. Please, sensei. Stop. Please, you have to stop. There’s no other way!_

Kakashi’s heart began to beat a heavy drum and he flushed hot one second only to shiver the next, feeling cold through to his bones. 

Bones. 

No. 

No.

He flung the sheet back but the blonde woman got there first. “Wait!” she cried, shoving him back, too rough, and he grunted as his arm and ribs wrenched. 

“Kakashi, stop,” the Hokage ordered.

“Let. Me. See.” He couldn’t force her back. Damn, she was strong. But he had an advantage. She didn’t want to hurt him. He gathered his laughable strength and shoved himself back, right off the damn bed. He never hit the floor. The woman -- she looked vaguely familiar -- grabbed for the sheet that tangled on his legs and Ibiki must have used a transportation jutsu because he was instantly at Kakashi’s side. Between the two of them, they kept him from hitting the floor and damaging himself further. But the damage was already done. He raised both arms and a fine trembling overtook his body. He stared at the sickening, pulpy stump that had once been his right hand. Vaguely, as though from very far away he could hear the woman cursing and the heart monitor going crazy. Alarms began to sound as he faded again.

 

When he woke the second time there was no confusion. There was only a pit of something like icy despair that sat in his stomach. He pulled his hand out from under the sheet and quietly, coldly, studied the disgusting thing. The scarred flesh was bright pink, and shiny skin licked up to about mid-forearm. Burn scars. So, he’d been more burned than he’d realized. The medi-nins must have been up to their elbows if they’d managed to heal him enough that the amputation looked months old. It wasn’t even wrapped, though the flesh was sensitive to the cool hospital air. He looked away from the grotesque sight, wishing the staff had wrapped the damn thing so he wouldn’t have to look at it. 

He leaned over onto his side, readying to push himself up, unable to ignore the call of nature any longer. He gritted his teeth as he sat up, uncaring of the loud and numerous protests of his body. His bladder was protesting much louder. 

“What the hell are you doing?”

Kakashi jerked and grabbed for the tray at his bedside, shocked that he hadn’t realized there was someone else in the room. Damn, what the hell were they giving him? He wasn’t picking up any chakra readings at all. He relaxed when he saw the other man and set the tray down, nearly snorting at the pitiful weapon that would have made. “Bathroom,” he bit out after a moment in response.

Asuma stared at him, then sighed and stood. “Here,” he huffed and grabbed Kakashi’s left arm, throwing it over his shoulder and easily hauling him to his feet. “It was Tsunade-sama’s idea,” Asuma muttered, waiting for Kakashi to find his balance. 

“What was?” He stumbled and swore savagely, focusing on putting one foot slowly, carefully in front of the other, biting his lips against the pain every step radiated. The coolness of the floor was a welcome distraction from the various aches clamoring for attention. “Who’s Tsunade?” he asked uninterestedly. The name clicked even as it left his lips and he remembered the blond woman. The unbelievable strength. “ _Tsunade_ as in the legendary Sannin?” He nearly tripped over his own feet when Asuma nodded. 

“The Hokage sent for her. She sealed your chakra. Said it would heal you faster. She’s been working on you and Gai for days, you know. Practically non-stop.” He grinned at Kakashi, face too close. “That woman is a beast.”

Kakashi reached up and caught his mask as he felt it begin to slip. The momentary interest he’d felt faded. “Thanks,” he said shortly as they reached the bathroom. “I’ll take it from here.”

Asuma snorted and shoved open the door. “Damn right you will. I’m not holding it for you.” He grinned and practically shoved Kakashi inside before turning back around and walking away. 

Kakashi relieved himself quickly, and washed his … hand. He fumbled, frozen for a moment with soap on his only remaining hand, unsure what to do. He was not going to use the damn stump to rub at his hand to clean it. Disgusted, he simply rinsed his hand and splashed water on his face, trying to dispel some of the cobwebs in his mind. 

Finally, when he ran out of excuses, he yanked the hospital gown off and stood naked in front of the small mirror over the sink. 

The most shocking thing was the missing hand. The absence was impossible to miss. There was simply … nothing there. His hand was gone, all that remained a repulsive lump of flesh that sickened him to look at. He swallowed and forced his gaze away to take stock of the rest of his body. He had no memory of them, but there were two burn scars on his chest as well, round starbursts the size of a fist to match the grotesque sight that was his right arm. He stared at the patchwork that was now his body. He’d never been vain. His body was a tool, simple as that, but this … 

He forced himself to think in coldly logical terms, to face his new reality. 

His body was an eyesore and he could no longer form seals. That meant he was no longer on par with Asuma, Gai, Kurenai, or Shiranui as a shinobi. A shinobi who could not form seals could not be known as the Copy-Nin, could not be known as the Master of a Thousand Jutsu. 

Would he be demoted? 

He turned quickly as his stomach heaved and he vomited water into the toilet, stomach feeling like it was shredding itself from the inside out. He coughed and choked, heaving for long minutes until there was absolutely nothing for him to vomit. The only thing he’d had in his system was water. He stood shakily and flushed, putting the seat down, and sat, ignoring the tears of pain leaking from his eyes. He hadn’t been a chuunin since he was ten years old. 

He leaned back, head against the wall. Chuunin. The very thought was unbearable. Maybe the Sharingan would save him. Maybe it would be enough. He would need to relearn how to be a shinobi with only one useful hand, but he would do it. His life had no meaning beyond work. He had nothing to offer anyone anymore. Who would look at his body and desire it? Kakashi hated the sight. How could a beautiful young man ever find it appealing? No, he would only find it pitiable, and Kakashi would not abide pity.

“Hey!” Asuma pounded on the door. “You all right in there?”

“Fine,” he called out shortly, grateful for the steadiness of his tone. “Give me a minute.” He heard his friend’s footsteps retreat and he stood, throwing more water on his face and grimacing as he ran his good hand through his hair. He needed a shower. Badly. The thought was automatic, a remnant from the past. He didn’t care. Not now. He was in no hurry to begin the trek into his new life.

 

“He’s not eating.” Ibiki tossed the tray onto the table with a clatter and the mostly liquid lunch sloshed over. 

Tsunade glanced up with a raised eyebrow. “Moonlighting as a medical assistant? Isn’t that a bit below your pay grade?”

Ibiki was unamused. 

The Sannin rubbed at her eyes and sighed. The plate was pretty much untouched, though Hatake had made some attempt at pushing around a few items to give the impression of having consumed something. Each meal was designed to help with his recovery, he needed to eat. But it had to be his decision. “You wanna try forcing it down his throat, be my guest.”

“I’ll take a miss. He lost a hand, he’s not dead. I’m not convinced I’d get the better of him,” Ibiki admitted, wryly.

Tsunade looked at him thoughtfully. “No, only a fool would underestimate such a prolific shinobi. I’ve heard of the famed Copy-Nin even in my neck of the woods.”

“Woods? You mean gambling houses?”

Tsunade smirked, nodding a thank you to the cafeteria worker who topped off her coffee. She blew into the dark depths morosely. “I need a real goddamn drink.”

That got the old man’s attention who’d been nodding off in the opposite chair. “I’m not paying you to drink, Tsunade,” he grumbled around his pipe. He crossed his arms and nodded to the ANBU at the far side of the room. The next moment the man was gone and the cafeteria was empty of all but the three of them. 

“You’re not paying me at all,” Tsunade reminded the Sandaime. “I’m doing this as a personal favor to Jiraiya. He’s a fan of Hatake’s and your Green Beast.” She sighed as she read the unasked question on their faces. “I don’t know.” She ran a hand roughly through her hair. “I’ve done all I can for him. He’s healing, but the hand is gone. I’m not able to regenerate a limb on someone else. You want my suggestion? Retire him.”

The Sandaime looked contemplative and he glanced at Ibiki whose expression was grim. “Is that what you would do in my position?”

Tsunade leaned back and shrugged. “No. I’d continue to use him until he was killed in action.” She stared at the Hokage, gaze cool, unblinking. “Such exceptional shinobi are hard to come by, I wouldn’t waste his abilities. But make no mistake, he is not the shinobi he was before losing his hand, nor will he be again. Sending him out may well be a death sentence, particularly when word gets out. I’m sure he’s made more than his fair share of enemies.”

The old man lit his pipe and puffed at it, uncaring of the glare Tsunade gave him. “He won’t accept being sidelined.”

“No?”

Morino’s expression became inscrutable and he sat back. 

“Then it sounds to me like you have your answer.”

 

Kakashi slept. There were no pleasant dreams to keep him company this time. He was back in the genjutsu and he felt the shinobi set fire to his hand, felt it burn and pop and sizzle as he screamed and twisted on a bed of nails, choking on his own blood. 

He jerked awake in time to turn and be sick on the floor, but he only coughed weakly, his empty stomach twisting painfully. Something warm and thick - metallic - slid down his throat. Blood. He must have strained the lining of his throat. Thankfully, he hadn’t been yelling aloud. The hospital room would likely have been overrun if that were the case unless he screamed every time he slept and the staff was simply so used to it that no one batted an eyelash. Now there was a cheerful thought. He rubbed at his eyes and did not acknowledge the fine trembling of his limbs. He had no intention of falling back asleep -- it would be some time before he could close his eyes without seeing a nightmare -- but his lids proved too heavy and against his will, he went under again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry! I tried to make it happy, I really did!


	5. Chapter 5

It was too bright to be six in the morning. The realization crystalized as his eyes snapped open, and he jackknifed out of bed, blinking against the dazzle of light streaming in through the half-open curtains. _Shit_. It had to be well past seven. He was going to be late. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been late. In the mad scramble of getting ready, the hitae ate got caught in his hair and he tore off a chunk trying to free it, then nearly gave himself a vasectomy as he overzealously jammed his kunai in his pack. But he was ready in record time, hopping out and groaning over the mess at the low table in the living room. 

Student files were strewn everywhere. It had seemed like a good idea to bring them home with him. It was meant to keep his coworkers from commenting (again) on how he’d stayed late every single day for a week, stayed until dark so that he could pretend he wasn’t going crazy with worry over Kakashi. Not that he had anything to worry about. Kakashi was a highly skilled and (all things being relative) stable shinobi going on a low-level mission with another highly skilled shinobi. What could go wrong? 

It was precisely to avoid thinking of everything that could go wrong that he’d overloaded himself with work. He’d even taken extra hours at the mission desk -- the Sandaime had been eyeing him with displeasure -- and now the lack of sleep had caught up to him. 

Iruka hefted his academy bag and stepped into his sandals, impatiently grabbing at the doorknob while simultaneously trying not to drop his breakfast of leftovers. He opened the door only to stop short.

“Naruto!” He grinned widely at the blond, heart lightening for the first time all week. “I didn’t know you were back … from … your ….” There was something wrong. He frowned, gaze sharpening. Naruto didn’t look hurt. Iruka studied him more closely, but not a hair was out of place. He did seem tired, but that--

“Sensei,” the blond said hoarsely, raising his gaze, a shade of horror in those blue eyes that Iruka had never seen before. Just that. One word and then everything _everything_ … stopped.

Genma stepped out from around the stairway, expression unreadable and Iruka felt the world tilt. He had to reach out to steady himself on the doorframe as his vision went dark and for the short eternity between heartbeats he could not catch his breath, could not think, could not move. No. No. No. _No._

“Sensei!” Naruto was shaking him, hands gripping his arms tightly. 

“Kakashi,” he whispered. “Oh gods, Naruto.”

“He’s alive, sensei! He’s alive!”

_Alive_. Iruka swallowed and pulled away, hands trembling, the intensity of that momentary grief still battering him. It had been the same. The same as when he’d received the notification of his parents’ deaths. He’d thought -- There was still the panic and darkness of loss sitting somewhere in his chest, the bitterness of absence on his tongue. When had Kakashi become his most important person? He tried to pinpoint any one instant. Couldn’t. He gripped the door frame tightly to center himself once again. “Take me to him.”

“Wait-”

“Iruka-” Genma started regretfully.

He narrowed his eyes at them both. “Take me to him. Now.” 

Naruto bent down and picked up his bag and the rice ball Iruka had dropped. He hadn’t noticed. “Sensei, I can’t--”

“Naruto,” he said, voice low, savage and in deadly earnest. He saw the blond’s head jerk up, surprised at the tone. “I need to see him. Take me to Kakashi. I can go with you, or I can go through you, but I’m going.”

He could see hurt cloud those blue eyes, but that was not his concern at the moment. Later, later he would apologize, later the remorse would eat at him, but now all his thoughts were on seeing Kakashi. 

Genma sighed and stepped closer into the lighted hallway. Iruka could see now the sallow tone of the man’s skin, dark circles under his eyes and there was an air of exhaustion to him that had nothing to do with the physical. He should be concerned for Genma, ask him what had happened. His friend was clearly unwell. Instead, his worry for Kakashi ratcheted up another notch. “There is something you need to know first,” the other man said.

“Whatever you need to say, do it quickly.” Genma hesitated and Iruka felt the tenuous grasp on his patience slip. “Tell me!” he snapped. He wanted to demand that Genma say that Kakashi was all right. That Kakahsi was safe, was sound. But, of course, that made no sense. If Kakashi were back and unharmed he would’ve been standing before Iruka himself, back to his inappropriate teasing and friendly, leering grin. And Iruka would have been whole again.

The long silence was not reassuring, nor was the way that Genma’s expression shuttered. “Look, he’s not himself at the moment, and … he may not be as receptive to your visit as you’d hope.”

The words were meaningless. And pointless. They weren’t going to stop him. Iruka brushed Naruto aside. “Genma-san, I’m going to see him.” There was absolutely no quarter given in his tone. 

Genma stared at him, gaze hard, but he finally shook his head in defeat and stepped forward. “Come on.” He grabbed Iruka’s arm with one hand and Naruto’s with the other. The instant transportation jutsu took them to the front doors of the medi-nin central emergency care center. Not good. Only seriously injured shinobi were taken there. He just about bolted for the door but Genma bodily blocked him.

“Goddamn it!” Iruka nearly howled in fury, and he clenched his teeth and did the unforgivable. He reached into his weapon’s holder, hand clenching around the handle of a kunai. It was unthinkable. A betrayal, not only of a fellow shinobi, but of Konoha and friendship itself. He didn’t give a damn. The need to make sure Kakashi was alive pounded at him, blinded him. He had to see for himself. 

Genma’s eyes narrowed and his lips turned down grimly, but he didn’t move, only widened his stance and flicked the senbon in his mouth. A weapon, Iruka knew. Genma could easily send it flying to pierce unprotected skin. His fingers tightened on the kunai gripped in his fist. He had no intention of hurting Genma, but maybe …

The jounin didn’t give him time to think, before Iruka could even blink Genma slammed into him, one hand on his elbow, fingers digging painfully into the nerves there causing instant, if temporary, paralysis. It was painful as hell but Iruka bit his lip and ignored it. He brought up the kunai--

But Naruto was suddenly there, pushing between them, shoving Genma back. “Get your hands off him!” the blond growled. 

Iruka would remember to be touched later. Now, he took advantage of the moment and shoved his hands together in a jutsu--

“Stop.”

The voice wasn’t even raised, but there was no hiding the authority or the order in that steely tone. Iruka’s hands froze in position. 

“Iruka.” The Sandaime looked somber and something in his gaze made Iruka flinch. 

No. 

“Stand down.”

No.

His hands shook. If the Hokage ordered it, he had no choice but to obey. He had to. It still took another second for his hands to slowly part. 

There was movement in his peripheral vision. A flash, then gone. ANBU. But there for whom? As the Hokage’s escort, or …? He forced himself to take slow, calming breaths. Naruto had said Kakashi was alive, and he trusted Naruto. That was all that mattered. 

Meantime, the Hokage continued to study him in displeasure. “Well, yet another quagmire you’ve managed to step into, Iruka. Whatever will I do about you? My patience for your antics will only stretch so far.”

Iruka opened his mouth to protest -- he’d been a damn saint since he started teaching -- but he paused, spying something that looked more like disquiet and guilt than judgment in the old man’s eyes. Guilt? For what? His anxiety increased. “Hokage-sama--”

“Of course you may see him. Eventually. Kakashi needs time to … adjust.” The Hokage looked away and he appeared to age before Iruka’s eyes, looking more wan and frail that Iruka had ever seen him. In fact, he’d never seen the Sandaime that way and that alarmed him more than anything else had that day. “Kakashi was doing his duty. He would be the first to say it, but it is painful to see young men …” He shook his head slowly. “I had hoped …” His hand grasped the white robe of office before falling away. “He may not want to see you, but I doubt that will stop you.” He smiled faintly, contemplative. “In fact, you could never have gotten so close to Hatake Kakashi if you were one to give up so easily.” The old man glanced at Genma then turned away. “It may do him some good. Go.” 

Iruka didn’t wait to be told twice.

Despite having lost both his parents, he didn’t have much experience with hospitals. His own stay after the run-in with Mizuki had been rather short. The medi-nin had sealed his injury in a few days and within a matter of a week he’d been home again, skin tender but healed and with only a faded scar on his back the length of a hand as a reminder. It looked more like a scratch than a battle scar. 

The smell was the same, though. Antiseptic and despair reinforced by stark white walls and grim-faced jounin posted at the entrance. Those were a new addition. The jounin, not the white walls. 

“They moved him to the fourth floor, room four ten,” Naruto murmured quietly from close behind him.

Iruka nearly jumped. He hadn’t realized the blond had followed him.

He turned, ignoring the vigilant scrutiny of the jounin only a few feet away. “And you know that because you’ve been here before.” It wasn’t a question and Naruto’s expression became drawn. “How long has he been here? How long has be been back? And how long,” he continued, softly, “have you known?”

Naruto swallowed, the pulse at the base of his throat jumping. “I’ve known since Sakura-chan and I retrieved him. We brought him back.”

“You--”

“I get it,” the blond blurted, expression twisting in pain, “I get that you’re mad, okay? I’m sorry! But for days, for _days_ I didn’t know if he was gonna live or die. We brought him back here as fast as we could but we had to be careful because he was so weak. Then he got an infection and Sakura-chan had to--” the outpouring of words slammed to a sudden stop and the kid paled even more.

Iurka swallowed back bile, afraid to ask, needing to know. “Had to what?”

Naruto shook his head. “I wanted to tell you right away,” he whispered, drawing closer, pulling him further away from intrusive ears, “but we had ANBU guarding us and they wouldn’t let us leave.”

The hurt of thinking Naruto had lied and hidden things from him evaporated and he placed a hand on one slumped shoulder. “Okay.” Bright blue eyes still filled with pain met his and Iruka pulled him into a tight hug. “I’m sorry, too and thank you for bringing him home,” he whispered fiercely. 

Naruto nodded and pulled away, hastily rubbing a hand over his eyes and sniffling. 

“Go home. Get some rest.”

“But--”

“No buts. You’ve done what you could, now you have to take care of yourself.” Iruka forced a smile. “And you don’t need to worry, I’ll take care of Kakashi.” He ushered the kid outside, wrangling a promise out of him to eat and sleep because Naruto was very suddenly a kid again needing the comfort of knowing an adult was there. An adult would make it all better. _Gods, what are we doing to our kids?_ Tears pricked at his eyes, but he bit the inside of his cheek and pushed them back. It wasn’t the job of children to protect adults. “Genma-san,” he called out to the man still standing outside. Yet another person he’d hurt. 

Genma straightened from where he’d been reclining against the young birch in the courtyard. He didn’t appear angry, and he waited patiently for Iruka to continue.

Easier done than said. He swallowed, his throat clicking dryly. “I’m s--”

But the other man shook his head sharply and grinned. “Hey, if you can’t draw on your friend, who can you draw on?”

Iruka’s laugh was one of desperate gratitude. “Thank you,” he said solemnly, but the other man waved that away. “I realize I don’t have any right to ask this …”

“Knock it off. Just Ask.”

He gave a discreet nod to Naruto. “Would you …?” The blond was practically asleep on his feet now, like whatever had been driving him, whatever remnants of strength he’d managed to amass had dissipated. It probably wasn’t fair to make that request of Genma either. The man definitely looked worse for the wear, but maybe he could get some rest too. “And Sakura-chan,” he added, heart heavy at the thought of her being alone. Though she, at least, had her parents. 

“Leave them to me,” he replied easily.

Iruka watched them go, feet molded to the ground. He needed to go see Kakashi, needed it like he needed his next breath, but he was scared. Hell, he was terrified. What had put that look in Naruto’s eyes? It was time to find out. He took a slow, steady breath and walked back inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know! That's kind of a shitty thing to do, but this chapter is kicking my ass and I wanted to put _something_ out there since it's been so long. I am still writing, but work takes up so much of my time that updating is a very slow process. As you can see :(
> 
> Anyway, next chapter will feature the awaited reunion!


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